One of our guest matchmakers talked me and my co-host, Sanjuanita, into going to a speed dating event.
I had a blast. During the event the women sat at small candle-lit tables as men visited for six minutes each. When the bell rang you moved on to the next girl. This night there were 14 women and 10 men.
I will admit with a couple of the gals, the six minutes seemed like six hours. But with most of the women it was a true delight. They looked you right in the eye, were confident and seemed to have their act together.
I admire anyone who will show up on a Friday night with the courage to meet someone new. And make no mistake, it takes courage.
All the women came with a friend, but the men all came alone. I think it's probably easier for a woman to say to one of her girlfriends, "Let's go to speed dating night."
If I asked any of my single male friends to go to speed dating night, well, it wouldn't be pretty.
After spending six minutes with your potential date, you are asked to mark on a sheet if you are interested in further contact. The date coordinator then e-mails each person with the results.
One of the things I don't understand about dating is why so many dread it. You hear people say all the time, it's a jungle out there. You should be glad you are married. I agree it is a special thing to have someone you want to spend the rest of your life with.
But it's not the end of the world if you haven't found someone. Dating can be fun. I enjoy going out with women I am attracted to and spending an evening with them. Especially if they are easy to talk with.
Most who don't enjoy dating haven't yet grasped a key truth. And it is this: Another person cannot make you happy. Some of the loneliest people I know are married or in a relationship. I believe we each have to find happiness and contentment on our own, independent of others.
If you can grasp this truth, it takes the pressure off dating. Just knowing the woman sitting across the table from you is not the key to your happiness. To put it bluntly, you don't need her. You may want her, but you don't need her.
Tim McGraw and Faith Hill sing a song entitled "I Need You" and it goes like this.
"Like a needle needs a vein
Like my uncle Joe in Oklahoma needs the rain
I need you
Like a lighthouse on the coast
Like the Father and the Son need the Holy Ghost
I need you
Oooohhhhh, I need you"
Oooohhhh, I disagree. So many of us have convinced ourselves happiness comes from without, when it clearly comes from within.
New jobs, homes, cars, vacations, power tools, friends and, yes, even lovers cannot make us happy.
I am not saying intimate relationships don't add to life. They most certainly make life fuller and more meaningful. As does having children. A strong mate can make us a better person. And, yes, it is true, acquiring wealth adds enjoyment to life and clearly makes it easier. But happiness and contentment are up to each individual to find on his own from within.
Some find it through introspection, meditation or other spiritual exercises. We all have had success in different ways finding fulfillment.
For me, the door to contentment, peace and happiness comes through faith in God. You might know a better way.
But this I do know, when it comes to enjoying the sometimes unsettling world of dating, the key lies with wanting, not needing.
Dan Fagan is a radio talk show host on KFQD 750 AM. E-mail, dan@kfqd.com.
Important warning about e-mails purporting to be from the adn.com staff.