Late-night comedians target Palin

September 10, 2008 

Late-night comedians have long preyed on politics for their jokes. Now they have Alaska's Gov. Sarah Palin in their sights. Here's a sample of their recent barbs:

DAVID LETTERMAN

It's Fashion Week here in New York City. Everyone's got fashion fever; in fact, the Statue of Liberty, earlier today, was wearing some of those hip Sarah Palin glasses.

Everyone's out campaigning. Sen. McCain and Sarah Palin were in New Mexico. They were having lunch at a diner. I thought this was so sweet. She was there cutting his meat for him.

Whoa, man, I like that Sarah Palin looks like the weekend anchor on Channel 9. She looks like the hygienist who makes you feel guilty about not flossing. She looks like the relieved mom in a Tide commercial.

But we're learning more and more about Sarah Palin. Boy, are we! And listen to this. It turns out that she and her entire family once had a chair-throwing brawl on Jerry Springer.

And you've got to love this. Sarah Palin is an avid hunter. A vice president who likes guns -- Well, what could go wrong there?

JAY LENO

I guess there are some problems with Palin, though. Have you heard about this "Troopergate" scandal? Palin allegedly ... used her power as governor to pressure officials to fire her former brother-in-law from his state trooper job. Now, maybe I'm wrong, but wasn't that an episode of "Dukes of Hazzard?"

Actually, some Republicans are not that thrilled with the speech. In fact, the rumor is Sarah Palin is thinking of dropping him from the ticket. You've got to admit, Sarah Palin really has energized the Republican base. See, Sarah Palin can do what John McCain can't do -- send an e-mail.

You know, when Governor Palin was giving her speech the other night, the teleprompter broke and she had to keep going from memory. That happened to Joe Biden once, but with him, he talked so long, the teleprompter shot itself.

Well, here's a little known fact from the Republican convention. This is kind of interesting. You know the confetti they dropped at the end? That was made from the actual Constitution of the United States.

Well, the ratings are in, and it seems 40 million people watched Sarah Palin's speech, and 40 million people watched Barack Obama's speech. So, the message is pretty clear. Barack Obama needs to run with Sarah Palin.

Barack Obama said he was not bothered by Sarah Palin's scathing comments about him. He said he's been called worse things on the basketball court, although nothing compared to what they called him at the bowling alley.

BILL MAHER

When they were vetting her for this job, like three seconds ago, she said, quote, I'm not making this up, "What is it exactly that the VP does every day?" Let me field that for you, Sarah. They start wars, they enrich their friends, they subvert the Constitution, and they shoot people in the face. That's what the vice president does.

John McCain's V.P. pick is the governor of Alaska, an unknown hockey mom named Sarah Palin that no one ever heard of. The only other job she had in politics was the mayor of a small town known as Wasilla, Alaska, and now she has the opportunity to be on a ticket opposite of Barack Obama, the first black man she's ever seen.

I think this is pertinent because McCain has been running this campaign based on "We're at war, it's a dangerous world out there. The Democrats don't get that. I, John McCain, am the only one standing between the bloodthirsty al-Qaidas and you. But if I die, this stewardess can handle it."

Are you kidding me, the mayor of Wasilla, Alaska? Yeah, that's who you want in the White House during a time of crisis. When she got a phone call at 3 in the morning, it was because a moose had gotten in the garbage can.

The McCain people believe that Americans will disregard her inexperience because they will fall in love with her story. She was a runner up in the 1984 Miss Alaska Pageant., which may sound trite, but you try walking in high-heeled snow shoes.

JIMMY KIMMEL

She's not bad-looking. She looks like one of those women in the Van Halen videos who takes off her glasses, shakes out her hair, and then all of a sudden, she's in high heels and a bikini. All of a sudden, I am FOR drilling in Alaska.

Cindy McCain appeared at the Republican National Convention, and Vanity Fair took a look at an outfit she wore. The magazine priced it out at around $300,000. With that kind of money, you could buy an 11th house.

Should we be nervous about a man who preaches against wasteful spending when his wife is wearing $300,000?

If Cindy McCain were a plane, Sarah Palin would sell her on eBay.

JON STEWART

"She does know about international relations because she is right up there in Alaska, right next-door to Russia." -- Fox News' Steve Doocy When you think about it, Alaska is near the North Pole, so she must also be friends with Santa.

CONAN O'BRIEN

Alaska Gov. Sarah Palin is out on the campaign trail, and today she attended a rally in Wisconsin. The Alaska governor said she was thrilled to visit Wisconsin, because she's never been to the Deep South.

Oprah Winfrey is in the middle of a scandal today, because she is refusing to have Republican VP candidate Sarah Palin on her show. The friction started because Palin said if she was elected she'd be the most powerful woman in the country, and Oprah said, "The hell you will."


Sources: The New York Times Laugh Lines humor blog; Late night political jokes from About.com: political humor; The best of late night jokes from Newsmax.com.

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