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I'm not a married man -- well, not traditionally at least. I mean, I am juggling a couple of marriages at the moment, but they're not the normal kind. They're the Facebook kind.

For those of you who aren't familiar with Facebook marriages, here's the thing: Just because someone's profile says "married" doesn't make it so. Instead, that person might be Facebook Married, which is just like Normal Married except it doesn't actually require any more commitment than a monthly wall post.

This means that you needn't strictly be in love with someone to propose marriage on Facebook. All you really need is a sense of humor and a propensity for thoroughly over-the-top terms of endearment. Of course, this can lead to some pretty ridiculous dialogue between folks who are really just friends, which Jim and Jane (who are entirely hypothetical) will demonstrate:

Jim: Jane, dearest, light of my days, when's the bio due?

Jane: Well, I dunno, Jim. All I know is that you're all a girl could ever want.

Now occasionally a Facebook marriage can go sour, which brings us to my present situation. The sad fact is that each of my current Facebook wives has a Real Boyfriend (cue terrifying diminished chord). I don't really know what to do about this, especially since I'm too young to hunch over alcoholic beverages and sing my woes to a bartender.

The best remedy I've found is to commiserate with other victims of broken Facebook marriages, and believe me, there are plenty. A good friend of mine spoke for us all when she said, "I miss having those wall posts to come home to. I guess I'm just Facebook lonely."

-- David Mills

Playlist

At some point or another during the winter we all invariably wonder if we'll ever be warm again. Well folks, December is here, and it's probably best to abandon all hope and pull out the moccasins -- May is a long ways off. How do I shake off the frostbite? I sing at the top of my lungs and dance wildly in my car. Here are a few hot tracks.

1. This Is Your Life - The Killers

2. Starstruck - Lady Gaga

3. Electric Feel - MGMT

4. Youthless - Beck

5. Hook Me Up - The Veronicas

6. Kelsey - Metro Station

7. Night of the Dancing Flame - Roisin Murphy

8. World Town - M.I.A.

9. Around the Bend - The Asteroids Galaxy

10. Turn Me Up - Benny Benassi

- Jose DelReal

Que Pasa

'Boy Friend' offers toe-tapping fun

What: Come and see "The Boy Friend," a glittering, toe-tapping, delightful flapper-era musical extravaganza. The perfect family holiday treat with perfect young ladies. Romance blooms on the French Riviera as an English heiress falls for the delivery boy -- or is he?

When: 7 p.m. Thursdays, Fridays and Saturdays through Dec. 23 and at 3 p.m. Sundays. Extra performances at 7 p.m. Dec. 22 and 23

Where: Cyrano's Off Center Playhouse

For more information, go to cyranos.org

Build a gingerbread house, get picture with Santa

What: At the Gingerbread House Holiday Carnival you can build and decorate a gingerbread house, get your photo taken with Santa and make a gift for a friend. Games, arts and crafts and free hot chocolate and coffee are offered throughout the event.

When: 1 to 3 p.m. Saturday

Where: Lidia Selkregg Chalet at Russian Jack Springs Park

For more information, call 343-6992.

-- Lindsey Leonard

Underage Thinking

Want more teen stories and insight? Check out our blog: adn.com/pwblog