SHOOTIN' TOOL ... According to the May edition of American Rifleman, "Sister Sarah" will be getting a cool present at an NRA banquet on May 14 -- a special AR-15 rifle that shoots a .50 caliber bullet.
Actually, Ear better just quote from a poster named Josh Painter who appears to know a holster from a hang glider:
"It's a modified AR-15 (civilian version of the mil-spec M16 rifle), specially customized in honor of Gov. Sarah Palin and dubbed 'The Alaskan Hunter.' Chambered for .50 Beowulf instead of the standard 5.56mm cartridge, this special AR features several custom engravings. The Big Dipper is on the magazine well, an outline of the state of Alaska is on the stock, and on the upper receiver are a moose, the NRA logo and an inscription, 'In Honor of Governor Sarah Palin.' "
RUMOR DU JOUR ... The governor is apparently going to New York to push canned salmon at a "global seafood tasting" event at Alaska House, a non-profit arts and culture center in SoHo. It's "a private event and is not open to the public," says the Web site, but Ear got an invitation so it can't be that classy.
Anyhow, the grapevine immediately began spreading claims that Sarah plans to sign a book contract while she's in NYC.
Darlings, get real. She's already got several full-time jobs -- governor, wife and cheering section to Todd, mom with four children still at home, including a baby with special needs and not counting the grandson. She's got at least two homes to run, 14 departments to supervise, money to raise for the national conservative movement, cable talk show hosts to chat up and a million glad-handing events to attend. There's no way she could possibly have time to write a book.
140 CHARACTERS ... The office of Don Young, Congressman for All Alaskans who Voted for Him, e-mailed the world Thursday, advising that Don is NOT tweeting on Twitter.
After the disturbing image of a twittering tweeting Don faded, Ear verified that there is indeed a fake Twitter site in his name with, alas, only mildly amusing fake messages. Try https://twitter.com/RepDonYoung.
KENTUCKY DERBY ... The truth is not limiting, it's astonishing. Even Ear couldn't make this stuff up.
THAT'S A RELIEF ... First line from the e-mailed "State of AK DHSS Press Release on Swine Flu:"
"No virus found in this incoming message."
ON THE MOVE ... But not in a good way. Radio earwigs report KUDO, the local lefty station, has eliminated local programs, including those featuring Camile "CC" Conte and Cary Carrigan.
What is Ear missing here? Isn't the station owned by the IBEW? Can't a group of worker advocates who do electricity run a radio station in their sleep? And save local jobs?
AN ANSWER ... Attorney to the Stars Rex Butler bristles at suggestions his client, Sherry Johnston, is making money off her public appearances, trash-talking about the Palins with her famous son, Levi, father of Bristol's baby. She absolutely doesn't make money from the television interviews, Rex told a reporter. Just her actual expenses.
Rex, super-stud P.I. Tank Jones and Levi were spotted breaking bread at a local restaurant last week.
NEW LIGHTS . . . Earwigs who volunteer to work the Christmas shift say this year's Shining Lights award is going to two well-known local doctors, K.C. Kaltenborn and Cathie Schumacher, founders of Project Access. The banquet and auction, hosted by Temple Beth Shalom, is May 17 at the Sheraton.
A SAFE BET ... What lives at the Hotel Capt. Cook, weighs more than Wally's car, and is autographed by Elton John? Get gussied up and go have fun at the Catholic Social Services Charity Ball on May 9 and you can bid on it. It's at the Dena'ina. See www.cssalaska.org.