Dear Wayne and Wanda,

This year I finally got a job that I love, in finance. I feel like all my hard work has paid off, and I'm finally challenged and appreciated and getting paid for what I deserve. I feel like a grown-up.

The problem is with my boyfriend. He's great, but he's been very whiny about my job. I'm putting in longer hours and he complains that we don't spend as much time together. And it's like I can never talk about my day, because if I tell him about the tiniest problem, he tells me I should quit. I can't get through to him that I still like my job even if I sometimes have a hard day.

My boyfriend didn't finish college, and I don't care. He's still very smart and has a good sales job. But I can't help feeling he's jealous of my success or that he's worried all I care about is climbing the ladder and becoming a corporate drone.

But I don't want to bring this up because he will get defensive. How do I get him to see that it's possible for me to love him and my job?

-- Worker Bee

Wayne says,

One of the great aspects of being in a solid adult relationship is having someone to vent to after the end of a tough day at the office. Without that support we would all just bury ourselves in ice cream and beer and horrible television after work every night. Not a pretty picture.

Sadly many insecure and underachieving men can't lend that kind of support because they feel threatened by their significant other's ambition and success.

Bee, you are a self-made success and you should be proud of yourself. You shouldn't have to apologize for your accomplishments and you shouldn't have to beg for support. So if you want to drag your sensitive podmate along on your exciting rise, you're going to have to help build up the confidence he's clearly lacking.

Tell him that you are working for a better life for both of you. Let him know that his success in sales inspired you to work harder. Explain to him how important his support is to you, on good and bad days. Hopefully that works and he realizes you two are a team and not competitors.

The true test will come when your drive leads you to a big promotion. How will he respond when you have more responsibilities and make more money than he does? If he comes to his senses and realizes that these are positives, then maybe he's worth building a corporation with. But if he reverts to the threatened, whiny coworker, you might have to eliminate his position and look to hire a new partner.

And I know the perfect candidate -- me! I'd love to help you count your money and plan our vacations!

Wanda says,

Hmm ... have you tried throwing a tantrum? That might work. At least you'd be communicating on his level.

I'm sorry if you don't want to talk about it, because unfortunately, that's the only way you're going to resolve this issue. You can preempt your conversation by saying you aren't being accusatory and you don't want him to feel defensive.

Then list the things you've noticed. Use the classic "I feel" statements -- "I feel like you resent my job because we don't get to spend as much time together" -- because he can't refute your feelings. Calmly explain that you like your job but should be allowed to vent, because that's what significant others do for one another.

Offer compromises: You'll make an effort to spend more time with him and do special things together if he'll be supportive of your career.

Sound reasonable? Yes, I thought so. Now it's up to him to listen to reason. In my experience, it can be somewhat futile to try to reason with a man who's acting like a toddler.

If the behavior continues, let him go -- you're a busy career woman! You don't have time for such foolishness. Leave it up to his next girlfriend to teach him how to act like an adult.