Alaska Ear

IS ENGLISH HIS FIRST LANGUAGE? . . . Under the general heading of people who shouldn't be allowed to upload, check out former candidate Paul Bauer's statement explaining why he wanted to run for Assembly. He assures us he's a "realiable (sic) conservative," that he speaks "from the heart, and not as a politician, for which I do not do very well with the powers at hand."

He seems to promise not to work with other Assembly members he disagrees with. Or maybe not. It's hard to parse the prepositions. Check it out for yourself at www.pbauer.com.

VALLEY STATESMAN SPEAKS . . . Gleaned from this week's edition of the Alaska Budget Report, probably the best source of facts about what's going on in the Legislature at any given time:

" 'All those people in Southwest, in that area of the state, currently they literally have to suck off the state's tit for everything that they get -- schools, water, wastewater programs.' "

-- Rep. Mark Neuman, explaining that an in-state natural gas supply would help Southwest Alaska develop its economy, House Resources Committee, March 10.

YEAH, RIGHT . . . "Certainly, I did not intend to use any senatorial power to obtain a favorable outcome from the Craig City Council . . . I intend to be extra careful in the future that my words do not imply use of my senatorial powers to obtain a favorable outcome from Craig or any other elected body or organization."

So says Sen. Al Kookesh in the letter of apology he was forced to write to Craig by the Legislative Ethics Committee. You will recall that he threatened the town with the loss of state money if it didn't do want he wanted.

So, darlings, do we think when he signed it, poor Sen. Kookesh worried maybe just a little about the spontaneous combustion of his trousers?

WE ALASKANS . . . Are we hypocrites or what? Have you noted the increased shrillness from our local right-wing radio mouths against the federal government?

"Those damn feds, we (Alaskans) don't want nothin' to do with them; they can keep their money; they need to leave us alone, blah blah blah." Or words to that effect.

So Curious Ear checked with U.S. Sen. Mark Begich's office to see if there are any Alaskans left who actually want help from the feds. Alors! Imagine Ear's surprise to discover that certified and verified Alaskans have asked the senator to get them $3,566,325,538 (that's billions, darlings) from the next federal budget to pay for 483 Alaska projects.

Of course, that's not quite as amusing as those picket signs that demand, "Keep the federal government's hands off my Medicare."

BUMPER SNICKER . . . Spotted by an earwig, Alaska vanity plate EPHOPH. Sorry d'Ears, you'll have to figure it out for yourself. This is still a family newspaper. (Ear had to have it explained by a 12-year-old.)

STOP THE PRESS . . . Lead item on a media advisory announcing a Mayor Dan Sullivan press conference Wednesday, e-mailed to reporters and editors: "The Girl Scouts of America will provide a short update on this year's cookie sales, including some modern upgrades to the sales effort." (There was some city budget and broadband stuff mentioned after that.)

ON THE MOVE . . . Sen. Con Bunde and Rep. Mike Hawker aide Larry Persily are both leaving Juneau (see the adn.com politics blog for details). Bunde, R-Anchorage, says he's had it and isn't running again; the U.S. Senate confirmed Persily, a former deputy commissioner of revenue (and former ADN editorial page editor), as the new federal gas line promoter, Drue Pearce's old job.

• Dr. Jay Butler, former chief medical officer for the state, is coming back. He got caught in the flap between Sarah and his boss, Bev Wooley, last year over the parental rights issue and resigned. He's been working as director of the CDC's swine flu vaccine program. At the end of the month he'll become director of community health services for the Tribal Health Consortium that runs the Native hospital.

• And how long has former Fish & Game Commish Frank Rue been working as an aide to Sen. Bill Wielechowski, D-Anchorge? Ear is always the last to know. Frank says he's just helping out part-time for the session.

TIGER COULDN'T MAKE IT . . . Ear is not making this up. Last weekend, a bunch of NANA-related entities held the First Annual Snow Golf Challenge at University Lake in Anchorage. Yes, everybody froze. When it ended in a tie between teams from Bradley Reid advertising and NANA, they held a harpoon tossing contest to break the tie.

So, a whaling captain won, right? Nah. John Tracy (yes, that John Tracy) of Bradley Reid beat Joe Mathis of NANA Pacific. "I hasten to point out, had the target been an actual whale, I would not have left a hole in one," said John.

The event raised money for the Aqqaluk Trust, which provides scholarships and other programs for NANA shareholders.

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Compiled by Sheila Toomey. Message Sheila at 257-4341 or ear@adn.com. Find Ear online at www.adn.com/ear.