SWINGING IN THE WIND ... Is it unusually quiet out there, folks? That's the sound of the whole state holding its breath. Has anyone ever picked up 1,600 votes from the post-election day pile of challenged and absentees (except Mark Begich, of course)? Has anyone ever lost after ending up 1,600 votes ahead with all the regular votes counted (except Ted Stevens, of course)?

Be honest, now, those of you who didn't bother voting: On Wednesday morning, could you name the Senate candidate in the Democratic primary?

JUST ASKING ... The call a bunch of earwigs got Friday night sounded like any other robo-poll asking you to push one for yes or favorable, two for no or unfavorable. Obama, Lisa as a Libertarian, Miller vs. McAdams, Parnell vs. Berkowitz, Sarah as an influence, as a presidential candidate. Expected stuff.

Earwigs thought a query about Levi (favorable or unfavorable) was a little odd. Until they got to the last question: "Can you see Russia from your house?" (Yes, no, not sure.) A sense of humor in a poll? Wow!

"I think they should have said, push nine if you're laughing hysterically," wrote one earwig.

The robo-caller said it was a Public Policy Polling survey. Wikipedia says they're a well-regarded outfit associated with the Democratic Party.

NO GOOD DEED GOES UNPUNISHED ... Alaska has a new head of the state Episcopal Church. Bishop Mark Lattime's investiture is set for Sept. 4. Earwigs report this very special event had been scheduled for months at the big, beautiful Our Lady of Guadalupe Catholic church in West Anchorage, thanks to an ecumenical assist from Catholic Archbishop Roger Schwietz. The Episcopalians asked to borrow the large venue because none of the Episcopal churches is big enough.

Cut to a variation of squawk radio -- the right-wing Catholic blogosphere. Up and down the ether, pious judgment artists, many from Outside, were shocked, just shocked to discover the bishop presiding over the ordination was a -- gasp! -- woman. And the new bishop -- horrors! -- prefers not tarring and feathering gays. A letter writing campaign was urged.

Earwigs who pray daily for the health of the republic say no orders were given but word came down from "the national and international hierarchy" and Guadalupe was no longer available. The First United Methodist Church behaved like Christians and the ceremony will be held there.

HUH? ... OK, let's move on to less depressing matters. So, Levi Johnston apologized this week for apologizing to Sarah a couple of weeks ago for supposedly lying about her family last year. Hmmm, that means he told the truth, then lied when he said it was a lie and is now telling the truth about it being true then lying about it, right?

Just pass the Excedrin. Please.

HERE WE GO AGAIN ... The movie based ever so loosely on the 1988 whale "rescue" on the Slope is reportedly ready to begin shooting. There's some gossip -- Ear has no idea if it's true -- that the story may depict a real person, a Barrow resident, maybe without permission. Could legal weirdness erupt? If it does, it won't be as weird as the depiction of the town, whaling, environmentalists and oil executives -- in a script Ear saw. But maybe someone palmed off a parody on Ear.

Why do we let Outsiders write about us? It always proves to be an embarrassment.

Aren't the Palins a heavy enough burden?

AND AGAIN ... A fishy earwig who keeps track of finny things was reading Paul Greenberg's new book, "Four Fish: The Future of the Last Wild Food," and shared the following with Ear:

"The first of the four fish is salmon, and sure enough on page 33 we find ourselves with the author on the lower Yukon River near Emmonak, learning about subsistence salmon fishing. And then we encounter ... an oil tanker!!

" 'Around a bend our boat slowed again. ... Suddenly, rising up from the water, was a black oil tanker. It was making the long haul, taking oil out of the area of Alaska that is nowhere and transporting it to somewhere.'

"I was quite stunned to learn of this new route for getting Alaska's oil to market. I'm also hoping to figure out where 'the area of Alaska that is nowhere' might be, and just how large our oil resources there might be."

Ear notes the author's companion gave a fish to the "tanker" crew by tossing it up on deck. So, it probably wasn't a supertanker cruising down the Yukon that day, right? Anyhow, the book got a great review this month in The N.Y. Times. Of course, it was written by a Times restaurant reviewer.

NO COMMENT ... While driving late Thursday night on Sixth Avenue, waiting for a green light at Cordova Street, an earwig noticed the building on the far corner was brightly lit up inside; every light in the place appeared to be turned on. How wasteful, thought the earwig, who then noticed the sign over the entry: "Department of Environmental Conservation."

MORE ON TOURISTS ... A Juneau visitor remarked to her host that the local cab company had a really good name.

Huh, said the host?

Taku Taxi, said the visitor, pronouncing it Take-you.