Alaska Ear

Never

Never

Never

Again

2010

And friends report the Christmas present from husband Verne, the gold bangle bracelet that's an exact duplicate of her famous elastic campaign wristband, was created here in Anchorage by Doug Robuck at Fifth Avenue Jewelers, across from J.C. Penney. The place with the gold nugget stuff in the window.

BEST FIREWORKS COMPLAINT ... Earwigs who pay attention to such things say an upset resident complained to the Assembly that the noise of exploding legal firecrackers on New Year's Eve gave his horse diarrhea.

YO HO HO ... Tank Jones, bodyguard to the stars, says Rachel Maddow sent him a bottle of rum and a nice note for Christmas. As far as Ear knows, Tank is the only person who has bodyguarded both Maddow (on her recent trip to Anchorage) and Levi Johnston -- at different times of course.

ANOTHER VIEW ... For those who remember that Ted Stevens was once, briefly, convicted of low-grade political corruption, there's an interesting piece by Jeffrey Toobin in the Jan. 3rd New Yorker about the Stevens case and federal prosecutor Nicholas Marsh, who recently committed suicide.

Sample: "But the Stevens case was more than an unsuccessful prosecution. It was a profoundly unjust use of government power against an individual -- a case flawed in both conception and execution."

NAME GAME ... Ex Palin attorney Tom Van Flein's law firm, Clapp, Peterson, Van Flein, Tiemessen & Thorsness, is dropping his name now that he's gone off to Washington to work for new tea party Congressman Paul Gosar, R-Ariz. Jill Burke of Alaska Dispatch reports they've also added a guy named Johnson to the letterhead.

Hmmm. A Clapp and a Johnson? It's gotta be a joke.

THE SUN WOULD BE GOOD ... Remember that San Francisco columnist who suggested the United States pay off its crushing national debt by selling Alaska? Local media lefty Shannyn Moore came up with a counteroffer during a panel discussion about the new Congress on her TV show.

Some of the newly sent-in clowns say they plan to let debt-ridden California, go bankrupt, default, crash -- whatever. Given that the price might be right, Shannyn suggested we use the Permanent Fund to buy the state, or maybe just a couple of the more desirable counties.

After all, noted one of her guests, several thousand Alaskans have already colonized Palm Springs.

CRUISING ... Longtime Alaska radio producer Johanna Eurich (APRN, KDLG) is taking off this week for a month in Valencia, Spain, where she'll help create a team of Web types, part of a sailboat crew who plan to -- ready? -- recreate the Mediterranean voyage of Jason and the Argonauts.

Really, darlings. Ear couldn't make this up. Johanna promises video of the golden fleece and a Facebook interview with Medea.

ON THE MOVE ... Friends report former Anchorage Assemblyman Doug Van Etten and Mary Hetert are shipping out for good, moving to Grand Junction, Colo., which offers all those outdoorsy things they like to do plus a road system. Doug's a real estate guy. Most recently, politically speaking, he lost to Kevin Meyer in the 2008 race for John Cowdery's old Senate seat. Mary is a fiber artist.

COMING HOME ... Bruce Scandling, a legislative aide on health issues in Mark Begich's Washington office, is returning to Juneau to take a job decoding federal health care for the Alaska State Hospital and Nursing Home Association.

Good luck with that, Bruce.

POLICE BLOTTER ... Think you have to call up the Unalaska police blotter for real Alaska crime news? Here's proof you don't:

"Troopers responded to the North Kenai Chapel in Nikiski to investigate the report of a burglary where the suspect was seen fleeing on foot towards Holt Lamplight Rd. In addition to forcing entry into the building, the suspect stole an undetermined amount of food items, forced open a locked offering box, and discharged the contents of a fire extinguisher throughout an office. The suspect also left behind a handwritten anti-Christian message and defaced a nativity scene by replacing the figurine of the baby Jesus with a slab of raw bacon. The suspect was described as a white male who is approximately five feet and ten inches in height, has a black mustache, and was carrying a black duffle bag."

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Compiled by Sheila Toomey. Find Ear online at www.adn.com. Message Sheila at 257-4341 or ear@adn.com.