Dear Wayne and Wanda,
I found the Feb. 18 column ("At 80 years old, he has sex in mind at 4 a.m. each day," very interesting -- being that an 80-year-old man still loves his wife and wants to show affection and make love. Here I am at 48 and my boyfriend is 53 and he doesn't even want to have sex anymore! I thought men always wanted sex -- here I am willing and ready at any time, even 4 a.m. and he isn't ... what is up with that?
-- Fed Up
Well ain't that a shame? The devoted folks who actually enjoy having sex with their partners just can't catch a break these days. In a world filled with philanderers and cheaters getting all sorts of action and rubbing it in our faces, it's the monogamous ones who are getting shut out.
So remind me, what's the point of committing to a serious relationship if you can't at least have some regular sex with the one you love?
I'd say hang in there, but I would probably be giving you false hope. I'd recommend that you try spicing it up, but I'm not sure a little seasoning would bring this dead log back to life. Instead, I'll fall back on another cliche: You can't teach an old dog new tricks. If you think it's boring in the bedroom now, imagine what your love life will be like in a few years when he's -- gasp! -- 60.
You might as well join Wanda's knitting group and order "Anne of Green Gables" on Netflix now.
But since you probably love him and have some time invested in him and all, I'll say you give him a bottle of Levitra and an ultimatum: Tell him it's time for the lazy house cat (that's him) to get frisky or the cougar (that's you) is going out on the prowl. Now go get 'em tiger!
It's one of the universe's primary injustices that men and women tend to peak sexually during such different phases of our lives. Men hit their stride early -- in their late teens to early twenties -- which is generally understood to be the reason teenage boys are such dunderheads. But women wait until their mid-thirties to early forties to reach their sexual peak, by which time their partners may have started slowing down.
I'm going to have to disagree with Wayne that we would be giving you false hope to tell you to hang in there. (And that knitting groups and "Anne of Green Gables" are wastes of time.) You say your boyfriend is less interested in sex -- but you don't say he's unwilling to try to make you happy. There are so many things you can both do to improve your situation -- read books, see a counselor, rent movies, take a seminar, consult a medical professional ... the list goes on.
Please don't write off sex before you give your guy the chance to make an effort.
This column ("At 80 years old, he has sex in mind at 4 a.m. each day," Feb. 18) was just too good and hit too close home to not comment on.
My doctor recently switched my blood pressure medicine. I'm not 80; I'm 53, but I had the same issue at about 4 or 4:30 a.m. after I was on it for a week. I'd wake up looking for love and "equipped" for it.
I researched the drug and found out that yes, it may have that effect kind of like "Viagra lite." I contacted my doctor and he said, "Well if you and your wife go to bed at midnight and it hits you that way about 4-4:30 am, try taking it at 6 p.m. or so."
That's why I like my doctor so much, I suppose.
Also, I talk to my mother (74) and father (86) about medical issues as genetics plays such a huge part. When I talked to Dad and told him I was going on this new medication, he made some sort of snarky remark like, "Oh, you'll like that stuff, I sure do" or such that I didn't quite get at the time. I did get out of him that it was something that he took and that he had no "bad" side effects. After I talked to the doctor, I told Dad what he said.
"Why do you think I take it in the morning?" my father asked. "I'm retired. I have all day long." We were on speakerphone at the time and Mom just busted up laughing and said, "Yep."
I just hope and pray I'm that frisky when I'm 80!
So you may want to suggest to your readers that they may want to adjust the medication schedule. Take care and keep writing your great column!
• Wanda is a wise person who has loved, lost and been to therapy. Wayne is a wise guy who has no use for therapy. Send them your questions and thoughts at firstname.lastname@example.org.
Readers respond to column on 80-year-old man's sex drive