Alaska Ear

• Embattled Fish and Game Commissioner Cora Campbell, portrayed as actually tap dancing through her confirmation hearings.

• A faux news report of Gov. Parnell's unhappiness at Planned Parenthood's equally faux new slogan: "We'll Bring Out the Kid in You."

• An announcement that the Senate has approved a new redistricting plan that eliminates all House districts.

• Amendments to Sen. Charlie Huggins' real bill designating an official state gun, adding: Swingline as the official State Stapler, XtraTufs as the official State Boot and Rep. Bill Thomas' chin hair as the official State Beard.

• A joke about Rep. Bill Stoltze turning down Rep. Les Gara's request to be friends on Stoltze's new Facebook page because he considers Gara more an acquaintance than a friend. (An earwig checked. Stoltze has more than 100 friends, but Les is not one of them).

A good time was had by all but, as far as Ear knows, no staff people were arrested following the after-party, so apparently not as good a time as last year.

QUESTIONS ... Why did former Sen. Dave Donley's name appear on the roster of visitors to the Alaska Redistricting Board on April 5? Looking for a place to run again?

• Is the actor Dan Bittner now filming "Men in Black III" the son of Anchorage lawyer Bill Bittner? Earwigs say yes. And yes, that would make him Catherine Stevens' nephew. You might remember him from "Law Abiding Citizen." "Men III" is due for release next year.

• Is "Antiques Roadshow" really coming to Anchorage? As far as Ear can tell, it's iffy. The producer has reportedly checked out possible venues and told local public broadcasting officials the show wants to come, but it's so expensive, locals will have to pony up some big bucks. With PBS facing serious funding cuts, the people who make such decisions might decide it's not the best use of available money -- assuming they have some.

DRAMA ... Did a trio from a couple of pro-development organizations (wink-wink) get a chilly reception from some Republicans in Juneau last week? The story racing through the now hectic halls down there is that someone connected to the organizations did a "rating" of lawmakers last year that got leaked. Republicans who consider themselves friendly and worthy got low marks and have hurt feelings. Others are simply wary. Or so the story goes.

It's kind of hard to believe this really happened because it happened before and one assumes the "raters" would recall those disastrous results. Remember an NEA guy? Big headlines, front-page stories? Of course, the half-life of political disaster in Alaska is about five years, so maybe it's all forgotten.

BLAST FROM THE PAST ... Earwigs say Senator Lisa has tapped Jim Palmer to run her Alaska offices -- they don't seem to know his title; deputy chief of staff is the prevailing guess. Anyhow, Ear is sort of depressed to admit remembering Jim from another century, when he worked for U.S. Sen. Mike Gravel and state Sen. Bettye Fahrenkamp. He most recently retired as vice president of government affairs (fancy term for lobbyist) for BP.

WOW ... Mary Louise Rasmuson, widow of banker Elmer, stepmother to banker Ed, turns 100 years of age on Monday. Once again displaying her still acute intelligence, the director of the U.S. Women's Army Corps under Eisenhower celebrated with a party Saturday in Palm Springs. (Really, would you be here during breakup if you didn't have to?)

ON THE MOVE ... Sarah Lukin, executive director of the Native American Contractors Association, has resigned and says she will return to Alaska to become senior vice president of corporate affairs for the Afognak Native Corp. NACA is a Washington, D.C.,-based group waging the fight to save the 8(a) Native contracting preference.

SAY GOOD-BYE ... One of Alaska's truly larger-than-life legal figures, U.S. District Court Judge James Fitzgerald, died last Sunday at the age of 90 after a long and fascinating life. He started as an assistant U.S. attorney back in territorial days and told great stories about the time when the Feds were the only real law here. After statehood, Gov. Egan appointed him to the first Superior Court bench. He became a justice of the Alaska Supreme Court in 1972 and was appointed to the federal bench three years later by President Gerald Ford. Jim retired in 2006. His family will host a celebration of life in Anchorage next Sunday from 3 to 6 p.m. at the Marriott Hotel.

A VOTE THAT COUNTS ... Let's see if we can muster more than the pathetic 21 percent vote in Tuesday's Anchorage muni election for an admittedly fishy competition: The World Fishing Network is running an online contest for the title "Ultimate Fishing Town USA," and Homer is in the running.

Voting begins Tuesday. Vote early and often. It's legal. You can vote once every six hours, according to ADN's retired "Fishing Dude" Jim Lavrakas, who is now a director on the Homer Chamber of Commerce. After Homer gets into the finals, you will want to vote again, starting May 11.

Check it all out at www.wfnfishingtown.com/town/homer-ak.

MAKE UP YOUR OWN JOKE ... VIA, the magazine of the Automobile Association of America, has an article promoting a visit to Sitka.

Compiled by Sheila Toomey. Message Sheila at 257-4341 or ear@adn.com. Find Ear online at www.adn.com/ear.