JUNEAU ... Alors! Even an Omniscient Orifice was challenged to find something to say about our boys and girls in Juneau this week. After all, the Speaker of the House thought it was OK to fly to Atlanta to play golf, and the governor went to Texas to get oiled, so what could possibly be going on at the Capitol that might interest bored appendages?

Thank heavens for Rep. Bill Stoltze of Chugiak. If his mouth is moving, there's a chance of an Ear item.

Bill was interviewed by Rick Rydell on the radio Monday. The subject was the continuing stalemate -- the leadership's apparent transformation into zombies and another week of the barely living dead. Earwigs who heard the exchange say Rick mentioned that Rep. Les Gara had offered to lead a peace mission and try to establish a useful relationship with Sen. Bert Stedman, co-chair of Senate Finance.

To which Stoltze replied, "Yeah, like those relationships men in prison have." Or words to that effect. (Ear tried to get a tape of the show but Rick said engineering screwed up and none was available). Stoltze defenders say his enemies are blowing the comment out of proportion.

BON MOT ... From a reader, another suggested description of what's going on in Juneau: "Represedative democracy."

GOING ... Bill MacKay, who has been senior vice president, lobbyist, public affairs guy and other things for Alaska Airlines since 2004, is leaving. He will be replaced as regional vice president by Marilyn Romano, publisher of the Fairbanks Daily News-Miner since 2000. Alaska Airlines announced the change Friday afternoon -- in Seattle, of course.

Earwigs say the switch-over is set for about Aug. 1.

ALREADY GONE .... Word flew through the Anchorage media world midweek that Susan Lucas was gone as president and general manager of KTUU-Channel 2. Tuesday was her last day. Ear couldn't ferret out any details -- like whether she just resigned or someone threw a bucket of water on her -- but no sad sounds were heard. Earwigs will remember Lucas as the boss who began her tenure by firing popular news director Steve MacDonald, then being forced to hire him back.

ALASKA WOMEN ... The May issue of MORE Magazine has added Lisa Murkowski to "The Fierce List" as a leading party crasher for her defiance of party bosses and subsequent write-in win.

The June issue of Mother Jones magazine features Sarah Palin -- and others -- in a cover feature called "You Lie!" Inside, they truth-test one small chunk of one Q & A interview with Sarah. The outcome is not news to Alaskans, but it is highly entertaining, assuming you're past despairing over the health of the republic.

TALK IS TALK ... Wigs who only listen with their left ear report talk show host Shannyn Moore is branching out. The Anchorage Civic Orchestra says she will narrate Prokofiev's "Peter and the Wolf" at their May 14 Russian Pops Concert at the Sydney Laurence Theatre. For people who actually care about music, Rimsky-Korsakov, Borodin, Shostakovich and Tchaikovsky's 1812 Overture are also on the program.

Was it wrong of Ear to be tickled by news that Moore, and the orchestra, will be conducted by Phil Munger?

FROM OUR READERS ... The following email is proof that Ear readers are classy and write good. This is from Wendy Withrow, who is irritated by people who haven't mastered the difference between plural and possessive:

"Perusing today's newspaper (5/1/11), I was puzzled by the full-page announcement ... about 'National Correctional Officers Week.' Below those words, it said: 'Alaska Correctional Officers Keeping Alaskan's Safe 24/7.'

"Which Alaskan's safe are they keeping, and why? How much money is in it? Do they have a right to keep it? Was it washed up in a tsunami? There is no explanation."

(Ear suspects it's the secret safe where they keep the state seal.)

A WINNER ... APU's Nordic Ski Center is having one of those fundraising auctions on Tuesday at the Atwood Center on campus -- a no-doubt worthy event for a no-doubt worthy cause with fun items up for sale, like a week in Oahu, flight lessons, a two-day guided backcountry ski trip and a couple of fancy dinners.

However: "Trip to Prudhoe Bay with 'Ice Road Trucker'?" OMG. There is such a thing as too much adventure. Of course, they do promise to fly your body back on Era.

Compiled by Sheila Toomey. Message Sheila at 257-4341 or ear@adn.com. Find Ear online at www.adn.com/ear.