MULTIPLE ORGANISMS . . . OK, Ear is not making this up. The Center for Biological Diversity, fondly known to earwigs as The Center for Suing the Government, claims to be distributing 100,000 "endangered species condoms" across the country, including to Alaska.
So many questions leap to mind. Do we really want birth control for endangered species? Don't we want them to reproduce like mad? Or are the condoms to prevent the spread of some endangered species STD? And does a snail darter actually have one of those things you put a condom on? Can a coqui guajon rock frog get the package open?
And how does covering "your tweedle" save "the burying beetle," to quote a center slogan?
A Vermont librarian will display them at her desk and a volunteer will hand them out at a research station in Antarctica, the announcement says.
There's obviously something to this sex and endangered species situation that Ear doesn't understand.
FALL? WHAT'S THAT? . . . Even a lazy-eyed lobe couldn't avoid seeing the termination dust -- pardonnez Ear, the termination dump -- on the mountains a couple days ago. It was serious snow. Guess it marks the beginning of the "season" cheechakos have to endure once to be considered a sourdough. Frankly, Ear generally prefers to define a sourdough as someone sour on Alaska weather, with enough dough to get out. (Thanks, Sarge.)
Anyhow, it's not winter in Washington, D.C. The only thing terminating back there is civilization as we know it. However, it is approaching the end of the baseball season, which means the Alaska State Society held its annual barbecue and softball game last Sunday, pitting Team Anchorage against Team Rest of Alaska. An earwig reports Sen. Begich and Don Young, Congressman for All Alaskans Who Voted for Him, both played, as did Deb Bonito (Ms. Begich), plus Hill staffers, government employees, Obama appointees, lobbyists, environmentalists and any other Alaskan who happened to wander by.
The Alaska State Society website says it has more than 300 members. The society's last event was an ice cream party in July.
Team Rest of Alaska won on Sunday.
POLITICS & POWER . . . Darlings, why the sudden rush of earwigs reporting that Sen. Linda Menard, R-Mad Zoo, and MEA chief Joe Griffith are an item? It's old news, darlings.
Hmmm. Maybe things are heating up out there?
FLYING FACTOID . . . Pastor Jerry Prevo will celebrate the 40th anniversary of his pastorship on Oct. 2. Billy's boy, Franklin Graham, will be the guest speaker.
THE BIG R . . . Have you been reading the smut about the Perry-Rove feud? Who knew Republicans could be that much fun. Do you long to hear the rest of the story? Earwigs report Bad Boy Karl Rove will be in Anchorage next month to be the keynote speaker at the UAA College Republicans fall convention. It's on Oct. 29 at the Dena'ina. (You'll need a ticket). The Luscious Lobe is sure d'Ear Karl will be happy to answer all your questions.
QUOTE OF THE WEEK . . . Every murder announced by every reporter on television is a "brutal murder" but the headline on a news release Wednesday from the U.S. Attorney's Office in Anchorage has that beat:
"DRUG DEALER LINKED TO VIOLENT HOMICIDES PLEADS GUILTY TO FEDERAL DRUG CHARGES."
Let's see. That's violent homicides as opposed to non-violent homicides?
BIG DEAL . . . Did you see where they've changed the name of "Everybody Loves Whales" to "Big Miracle"? Yikes! How many hours of deep thinking do we imagine went into that decision? And how much R&D money? Really, darlings, why don't they just call it "The Whale Movie" like we all do?
UNALASKA CRIME . . . "Tue 18:43 ... Caller reported an extremely intoxicated man, having difficulty walking, near the elementary school. An officer contacted the man and confirmed that he had a place to stay and would be able to stagger to it without assistance."
Compiled by Sheila Toomey. Message Sheila at 257-4341 or firstname.lastname@example.org. Find Ear online at www.adn.com/ear.