OH NO, PLEASE . . . Haven't we suffered enough? While reading a story about Michele Bachmann in the October issue of Mother Jones, earwigs came upon the following: "After a stint living with an uncle in Alaska, Michele enrolled at Minnesota's Winona State University ..."

It's not enough that we have to share the, uhmm, credit for Sarah's peculiarities on the national stage, are we now going to be blamed for Wacko Bacho too?

The story doesn't say what uncle, or where, but Daily News political reporter Sean Cockerham did some research and found a reference to the Aleutians somewhere. (No darlings, Ear doesn't do research. Too much like work.)

Listen, America: It's not our fault. There's nothing in the water here. Just go away and leave us alone.

ROCK, PAPER . . . As you know, zillionaire Bob Gillam is leaving no stone unturned in his fight against the Pebble project -- and guess what crawled out from under the most recent turning: A "story" in the Sept. 29 National Enquirer -- online anyhow. And who should happen to be the alleged villain?

"Exclusive! Sarah Palin Double-cross," screams the headline. "How Sarah Palin Shafted Alaska! Exclusive Interview!"

"Alaska's richest man is blasting Sarah Palin for failing to avert a potentially devastating environmental disaster in the state she once governed -- and now he wants Enquirer readers' help to get the job done!"

It's not marked "paid advertising," but really, d'Ears, a story about aliens landing in Omaha rings truer.

And what was Sarah's "betrayal?" Her statements against the clean water initiative that voters killed. Did anyone ever really think Sarah was an opponent of mining?

QUESTION . . . Why are people telling Ear that former Anchorage leggie Dave Donley is seriously considering running for the Legislature again? What Ear hears is that he's champing at the bit to run for something, but it's unlikely to be the state Senate. Donley served three terms in the House starting back in the 1980s, followed by 10 years in the Senate. Somewhere along the way he also switched parties, from D to R.

SLOWING DOWN, MAYBE . . . KSKA reporter Len Anderson says he will retire at the end of January. "Longtime" doesn't really describe Len's career. "Institution" is more on the money. He's been a public radio reporter in various locales in Alaska since the 1970s. Earwigs report he's actually going to retire, as in not work anymore.

Yeah, that's what they all say.

CAFFEINE CAPERS . . . Java junkies who stopped by Cafe del Mundo last Sunday ran into a surprise tribute to Robert Wilkins, the man behind the Anchorage Concert Association from before statehood. Wilkins and his wife, Marilyn, were lured by friends to the cafe on the pretext of reviewing historical notes for an upcoming concert program.

As they were making themselves comfortable, strategically placed singers began crooning his praises to the tune of "Hello Dolly." On cue from Gloria Marinacci, the throng of well-wishers paraded in through the back door, wearing party versions of Wilkins' trademark bow tie, and sort of singing together, with lyrics that sounded like: "We've had such fun, Bob, with all you've done, Bob, and all those special concerts you made happen for so long."

OK, it wasn't Bob Dylan.

Former Concert Association director Ira Perman presented the Wilkinses with the green and orange season seats they occupied for many years when concert association events took place in the West High auditorium -- rescued when the auditorium was refurbished a few years back. See more photos of the tribute at adn.com/photos.

KUDOS . . . At its big jamboree in Talkeetna last week, the state chamber gave its Alaskan of the Year award to Susan Bramstedt. She's Alaska Airlines' director of public affairs for Alaska. And yes, she's Al's sister.

JUST A JOKE . . . Right? Forbes has declared Fairbanks one of the 10 best places in America to live cheaply.

Now darlings, you know Ear loves all things Alaska -- even the City on the Edge of Nowhere -- but the Omniscient Orifice couldn't get past the words "best place to live" to even consider the idea that it might be cheap. Forbes' list makers have obviously never spent a winter trying to keep a cheap car from becoming an expensive block of ice.

The best cheap place to live, according to Forbes, is Sandusky, Ohio.

Compiled by Sheila Toomey. Message Sheila at 257-4341 or ear@adn.com. Find Ear online at www.adn.com/ear.