LITERARY NEWS . . . Say you're Levi Johnston, pitching your book, "Deer in the Headlights: My Life in Sarah Palin's Crosshairs." Book signings, right? Like any serious writer. At Barnes and Noble or Title Wave or maybe the library? Sounds OK.
But you're Levi Johnston. You're young and hot. You've been living la dolce vita. You want more. Like a book signing at, uhh, Mad Myrna's Cabaret? That's what happened Friday night before the regular Diva Variety Show -- Levi was at Myrna's, looking all macho, attracting boys and girls alike, signing books and posing for pictures taken by Tank Jones ($5 from each sale went to the scholarship fund of the ICOAA -- the Imperial Court of All Alaska, said a Myrna spokesperson). All of this watched over by Rex Butler, agent and attorney to the stars.
OK, now say you're Myrna, and Levi Johnston is signing books at your club. What do you do? You run a Sarah Palin lookalike contest.
Of course you do.
Take a moment now and imagine Myrna's regulars, bunches of them, made up to look like Sarah. Anyhow, that's what was promised, but Ear's parole officer showed up and the Licentious Lobe had to flee before the fun began.
CANDIDATE NEWS . . . We all "know" Gov. Sean Parnell is running for Mark Begich's Senate seat, right? But could we possibly be wrong? Running for the U.S. Senate sort of explains the weird trips to non-Alaska disasters in square-corner fly-over states this past summer. But a visit to a military hospital in Germany? (You saw the coverage, of course).
Alors, d'Ears. Could he actually be running for president? (Ear hears the GOP is still searching for a candidate who can win).
GLEE-FUL NEWS . . . Now we have a second Alaska Republican whose persona is being used as a hip cultural reference. Yes, d'Ears, it seems so unlikely but there was our Lisa -- sort of -- in the "Glee" script last week. The father of one of the regular characters decided to run for Congress, but the filing deadline to get on the ballot had passed, so he announced he'd run as a write-in.
"Some chick in Alaska did it last year," he explained, "and her name was way harder to spell."
LEGAL NEWS . . . The Federal Elections Commission has issued its decision in Joe Miller's complaint against the coalition of Native corporations that banded together in a PAC to support Lisa in the above-referenced write-in. (Alert earwigs will recall she beat Miller in the general after he creamed her in the primary.) Joe apparently thought it was wrong that a bunch of Alaskans ganged up against him. No doubt he felt Lisa should have had to rely on bags of Outside right-wing money -- just like he did.
Whatever. Miller lost again. The FEC said companies that have contracts with the government can't give money to politicians, but it's OK if their subsidiaries have government contracts.
You'd think the righties would be happy -- don't they think everyone should be able to give whatever they want to whomever they want? And corporations are people too, right?
MOVING NEWS . . . Speaking of Lisa, yet again, one of the people who engineered her write-in miracle has gone private, starting a political consulting biz called Six7 Strategies. What does the name mean? Kevin Sweeney explains that it's the answer to the question he gets asked most: "How tall are you?"
Kevin is married to Tara Sweeney, a vice president of Arctic Slope Regional Corp. Ahmao Sweeney, the kid star of the "Whales" movie, is their son.
MOVIE NEWS . . . No, not either of those two. "Christmas with a Capital C," produced by First National Bank heir Dave Cuddy, starring one of the Baldwins and sporting some familiar Alaska faces in bit parts, will air on cable over the holiday season. It's also available at Amazon.
SHOPPING NEWS . . . The holiday craft fair season is upon us -- earwigs all got their Bad Girls of the North T-shirts last weekend, right? Well, Congregation Beth Shalom has a new twist for gift-seekers: On Sunday, Dec. 4, a bunch of local charities -- like 30 to 40 of them -- will set up at the synagogue and people can "buy" gift donations for friends and relatives who already have all the useless stuff they'll ever need.
Make a donation to any charity you like and get a hand-lettered card for the person in whose name you've donated. Pretty cool, and no wrapping.