What not to give a gardener

No matter. 'Tis the season, and people are asking what I think they should get someone on their list. Of course, unless I know the person, I have no idea. I do know, however, that there are kinds of gardening gifts you should avoid unless you know your gardener very, very well and that he or she simply can't live without one.

Let's start with signs and labels. One of the trends that never seems to catch on is to get gardeners to use pre-made labels or markers for their plants. These are usually ceramic (note: breakable) and very generic as in "Tomato," "Beets" or "Onions." (Sometimes they are just depictions of the vegetables.) Hey, if your gardener can't tell the difference between onions and tomatoes, he shouldn't be out there. He or she might like, however, a packet of those plain, old, traditional, white, write-on, plant labels available at any nursery.

Not having succeeded in getting folks to buy preprinted labels, there is now a push for one or more "lawn sign" -- usually a cutesy phrase or funny sentence embossed into metal, a la "Gnome Crossing. Take your shoes off" or something similarly clever. These are the successors to the depictions of a portly lady's rear end as if someone was working on the lawn. This is not a good gift for a serious gardener.

I also see an attempt to get gardeners to buy fancy rain gauges. Some are electronic, most are just decorative. OK, I can get into measuring how much water we get in the yard, but I don't see why you would have to have a fancy contraption to measure how much the garden gets. A simple can or yogurt container will do just fine, not that I am suggesting these as gifts either.

Glass anything should be taken off the list: glass balls, Dale Chihuly-inspired glass stakes, even cold frames with glass panes. Glass does not belong anywhere near a garden. It breaks, and once it is in the soil, the soil is pretty much ruined for those who don't wear gloves. Avoid glass gifts for gardeners unless they are picture frames.

How about garden pest sculptures? You know, the rabbits, the squirrels, the deer and even an occasional moose. You can find them in all sizes and colors from realistic stone sculptures to metal cut-outs. Why would any gardener want to have a depiction of a cutsie rabbit sitting in the carrot patch? She surely wouldn't want a live one there. And with all we do to keep moose out of the garden, why would you want a fake one in it? By the way, this goes for cute dog and cat sculptures. Not appropriate garden gifts.

Your best bet is to stay local and give as much discretion to the gardener as possible. A gift certificate to a favorite nursery should be on top of the list. So should a certificate to buy a good gardening book locally. Of course, you can do the same thing via Amazon or you could get a gift certificate from an Outside catalog house to use when buying seeds this spring.

You can't go wrong with a membership in the Alaska Botanical Garden (alaskabg.org). Or, you might want to search out some publications from the Cooperative Extension service (www.uaf.edu/ces/gardening/) and put together a nice little present that won't cost you anything.

And, my number one recommendation: a certificate for a few hours working in the yard or garden. Surely, that is the best thing you could possibly give.

Jeff Lowenfels is a member of the Garden Writers Hall of Fame. You can reach him at teamingwithmicrobes.com or by calling 274-5297 during "The Garden Party" radio show from 10 a.m. to noon Saturdays on KBYR AM-700.

Garden calendar CHRISTMAS TREES: MAKE SURE THEY ARE CONSTANTLY IN WATER. STORED TUBERS AND FUCHSIAS: CHECK TO MAKE SURE THEY ARE OK. WATER THE FUCHSIAS WITH JUST A BIT OF WARM WATER IF THE SOIL IS TOTALLY DRY. WINTER JASMINE FLOWERS: IF YOU HAVE A JASMINE PLANT, MAKE SURE IT IS GETTING COOL NIGHTS TO TRIGGER BLOOMING. 55 DEGREES IS IDEAL. IF YOU SEE ONE FOR SALE, BUY IT. LAWNS: KEEP OFF THEM DURING WET THAWS.