Here's the latest on the dwindling GOP field

As the candidate made small talk with supporters in the hangar bay of the USS Yorktown, his staff was frantically trying to fold away some of the empty chairs to make the audience look larger. They shooed the attendees -- who appeared to be mainly a few families with home-schooled children and one woman with a very busy red-white-and-blue hat -- into the middle "so we can have you guys in the camera shot."

Although the meeting area was cold and smelled vaguely fishy, everyone in the little audience seemed upbeat, even the woman who expressed concern that the federal government was planning to round up local Tea Party members and put them in a FEMA concentration camp "that has a razor-wire fence around it."

"I'm not familiar with that at all," said Santorum, who was looking slightly less chipper than his fans. (The Federal Emergency Management Agency says there is no plan to round up the Tea Party. The agency doesn't have any concentration camps. Just in case you were worried.)

But I digress. The point here is that while South Carolina is a very lively state, this primary has been lacking the kind of anything-can-happen excitement that made Iowa one long frostbitten romp. But things could change! Voting on Saturday! And here's how everybody is doing:

MITT ROMNEY

The South Carolina primary has been one long obsession with Mitt Romney's extreme richness. This is partly because Newt Gingrich keeps carping on it. Which, to be honest, we have enjoyed very much. But, mainly, it's because Mitt is so weird and off-putting on the subject. Like the time he told people he was unemployed. And, this week, when he dismissed the fees he earns as a public speaker, which ran to $374,327 in one recent year, as "not very much."

People, what is it with this guy? Mitt was charging around $42,000 a speech. If you were planning to run for president and didn't need money, would you deliberately pursue a sideline that would put you in the top 1 percent for about 12 hours' worth of work? And, while we're at it, if you were that rich and had a very large family to take to Canada, wouldn't you hire a plane? What kind of obsession is it that makes a multi-multi-multimillionaire show up for the GoldenTree Asset Management convention for a $68,000 fee? Or drive for 12 hours with the Irish setter strapped to the car roof?

RON PAUL

During the recent South Carolina debate, Paul called for a "golden rule in foreign policy," in which we would refrain from doing things to other countries we would not like done to us. This triggered cries of outrage from the audience on behalf of the New Exceptionalism, which holds that the United States is the only country with "do-to" rights.

But Paul has pretty much written off South Carolina anyway. He's hoping the race drags on to February and caucus states like Maine and Nevada, where a candidate with a small-but-dedicated following has an advantage. Even if that following appears to be composed largely of slightly abrasive young men with high IQs who smoke and wear hunter caps with ear flaps.

NEWT GINGRICH

Once again in South Carolina, Gingrich is proving that he is the top debater in the field. Truly, if the office of president of the United States involved nothing but debating in front of enthusiastic Republican audiences, he would be far and away the best possible choice. If nominated, Newt promises that he will follow Barack Obama around the country challenging him to a series of three-hour "Lincoln-Douglas" debates. He can already imagine it! I bet you can, too.

RICK SANTORUM

Santorum enjoys spending time with his wife and seven kids, doing 50 pushups every morning, and pressuring for a recount of the Iowa caucus vote. He also likes sweater vests, talking about his coal-miner grandfather and visiting aircraft carriers to drive home his campaign slogan. Which is "Courage to Fight for America" not "Already in Drydock."