He is worried about girlfriend working on North Slope

My girlfriend is about to start working on the North Slope, and I don't think it's going to work out. She wants more money to pay off her loans and get her finances straightened out, but I don't think she understands the big mistake she's making.

First of all, she's going to spend less time with her daughter, who will split time with her grandma and me. That's going to stress everyone out, most importantly her daughter. And I know she isn't prepared to be around that many blue collar men all the time. She's sensitive and I've got a feeling they are going to eat her alive. I'm not so much worried about our relationship making it through this, but I am worried about her emotions when this doesn't work out.

It's past the point of getting her to change her mind, so is there anything I can do to help us be prepared for her time away and be better prepared for the likelihood of this blowing up?

-- Slippery Slope

Wayne says,

This situation sounds like a great opportunity for everyone to grow up. (Well, everyone except the grandma -- I assume that all grandparents are pretty much in grown-up territory).

Your girlfriend has a chance to expand her career, get out of debt and stand up for herself.

Your girlfriend's daughter gets to learn about hard work, sacrifice and taking on big-girl responsibilities.

And you get to take on the role of supportive boyfriend, so long as it's a role you accept. Right now, it sounds like you're on the fence.

There's no fence in a situation like this. You need to man up and be there for all the people you care about.

I will give you credit in that at least it sounds like your heart is in the right place and your doubts aren't founded in selfishness. But you need to fully accept that this is happening and you, like everyone else, need to make the best of it.

That means focusing your energy on the positives and handling business instead of dreading the potential negatives. An optimistic outlook in a time of great change will help everyone feel more relaxed and settled.

If you have a solid relationship, you'll be able to honestly assess how it's going after a few months. In the meantime, hook her up with a laptop, iPad or iPhone so you and the ladies at home can get some long-distance face-time.

This stretch isn't going to be easy, but it could make you all stronger and set the foundation for a happy and secure future. Go get 'em!

Wanda says,

At least you've recognized it's past the point of her changing her mind, and you're asking what you can do in spite of that. That's bordering on acceptance, but you've got a way to go before you become a supportive boyfriend.

Not that it isn't awesome that you've agreed to help watch your girlfriend's daughter while she's away. That's big-hearted of you, and I hope you'll do what it takes to make this girl feel cared for and tended to.

You're right; it is going to be hard on her and you have the opportunity to be a positive influence on a young person's life.

But it's going to be hard on your girlfriend too. Do you think she wants to leave her child for a couple weeks at a time? Do you think she wants to be away from the people she loves most, surrounded 24-7 by a bunch of guys she doesn't know? (Not all of them are jerks, by the way. Plenty of good guys work on the slope.)

Of course not. But she's trying to do right by herself and her family, and you're standing in her way by discouraging her -- worse, disparaging her judgment by telling her she's making a huge mistake. That may be true; it may not. But it's something for her to figure out on her own, and not have to worry about you saying "I told you so" if things really do get hard.

Instead of setting her up to fail, take her in your arms and tell her you're sorry. Assure her your concerns have come from the right place, but from now on you're going to support her and give her what she needs -- not doubt, judgement and derision, but attention, understanding and love. You two have a challenging road ahead. So believe me, that's a much better place to start from.

• Wanda is a wise person who has loved, lost and been to therapy. Wayne is a wise guy who has no use for therapy. Send them your questions and thoughts at wanda@adn.com.