PLANE BETTER NOT CRASH . . . With all those junketing legislators headed for the spring "energy conference" in Washington, D.C., the Wednesday afternoon flight from Juneau to Anchorage practically had a quorum -- more of one than the halls of the Capitol, anyhow. Earwigs spotted Wes Keller, Kurt Olson, Mike Doogan, Kevin Meyer, Joe Paskvan, Bill Wielechowski, Gary Stevens and Chris Tucker, plus a bunch of aides.

They weren't playing hooky. Sessions were canceled for Thursday and Friday.

REST OF THE STORY . . . Ear finally got a look at the official complaint filed by Gordon Epperly of Juneau against President Obama's inclusion on the November ballot. It's just as wacko as advertised last week. The president is of a race whose members were not allowed to be citizens when the Constitution was signed, and one of his parents was not an American citizen, Epperly complained.

And his point is?

Elections director Gail Fenumiai rejected the complaint in a Feb. 28 letter. She managed to be detached and legalistic about this waste of her time: "The Division of Elections has been following litigation regarding the issue of President Obama's eligibility for office in other states. Our understanding is that the claims regarding President Obama's lack of eligibility for the presidency are false and that no court has found any merit in them."

SMILING WHERE WE CAN . . . There's a fun column in this week's Anchorage Press, a story by arts editor Rachel Drinkard about her experience voting in the Republican Party presidential preference poll on Tuesday. There's nothing really unexpected about her report of broken rules and general heavy-handedness by party regulars toward newcomers motivated by their enthusiasm for Ron Paul. (She called them "reining" regulars, which made Ear smile but works as well in context as "reigning"). Political bosses of either party manipulating outcomes? Ear is shocked, just shocked.

No, once earwigs got past being stunned that the Press arts editor is a Republican, the fun was how very former Alaska State Sen. Drue Pearce tried to cast Lite Gov. Mead Treadwell's vote by proxy -- according to Drinkard. No word who he was voting for, but isn't Mead co-chair of the Romney campaign in Alaska? (Mead, whose office oversees elections, apparently straightened out whatever mix-up there was).

OK, it's not a belly laugh but Ear is easily amused when it's March 11 and there's still 35 inches of snow on the ground.

BTW, Ear got a press release announcing that Kathleen Miller, wife of Honor Code Joe, has endorsed Ron Paul. Hmmm. Wonder if Ron would have done better here without that particular boost?

SOMETHING TO LOOK FORWARD TO . . . The American Psychiatric Association is issuing a new edition of the DSM. Not excited yet? Admit it, you have no idea what the DSM is. It's the official encyclopedia of all the officially accepted mental illness diagnoses on Earth. Anyhow, there's going to be an Occupy the APA convention in Philadelphia on May 5 and one of the featured "distinguished speakers" is our own Jim Gottstein, the Anchorage lawyer who runs the Alaska anti-overdrugging organization PsychRights.

AND SOMETHING ELSE . . . Coming our way: A new reality show. "American Digger" starts on Spike on March 21. So says a press release. "This new unscripted original series follows former professional wrestler turned modern day relic hunter Ric Savage." He's already been here "in search of priceless Alaskan Gold Rush artifacts that were left behind by prospectors in the late 1800s."

"Can blizzards, bitter temperatures and reclusive homeowners dash their dreams of striking artifact gold?"

Reclusive homeowners? Ear can hardly wait.

WINTER IN ANCHORAGE . . . What do Ron Paul, Hobo Jim, Bristol Palin and Deanna Brenner have in common? They all participated in the Running of the Reindeer last weekend. Really, darlings, it's hard to tell which was the weirder animal event -- the sorta start of the Iditarod or a bunch of people (some of whom may have been under the influence of alcohol) chasing a herd of frightened deer through downtown.

For those who just arrived from Pluto, Hobo Jim is a singer, Ron Paul is running for president, Bristol Palin does not have a sled dog named after her and Deanna Brenner is a Zumba queen. (She was one of the women in Hawaiian skirts, next to the guy from Colorado wearing a woman's bathing suit over his clothes.)

You do understand why Ear doesn't go to these events.

DUTCH HARBOR POLICE REPORT . . . 27 February, Monday -- 11:43, A man who was offended by a joke punched the jokester in the face until he fell to the floor, then smacked him a few more times for failing to apologize quickly enough. The other two men in the room claimed they were unaware of the incident.

3 March, Saturday -- 00:24, Caller reported hearing a fight in progress at a neighboring residence. A wet woman clad only in a bath towel abashedly explained to responding officers that the "fight" they were investigating at her house was simply loud intimate relations.