OMG . . . OK, d'Ears, this is one of those items the Divine Appendage has trouble believing, so you'll have to decide for yourself.

There's a story going around Juneau that a well-known lobbyist, fired from a modest contract with a big client, apparently decided to get revenge on the person who did the firing by vandalizing the car of that person's daughter.

No, of course it doesn't make any sense -- unless we're all condemned to perpetual middle school. But wait, it gets better: The daughter, who had nothing to do with the firing, works for the state, which means her car was parked in a state lot.

Ear can hear you asking the obvious question: Who would be stupid enough to vandalize a car at a government facility? Every child in America knows they're all bristling with security cameras since 9/11. So, when the victim found her tire flattened, she asked for the security tape and voila! Police have been called and action may or may not be taken. You'll have to keep an eye on the police blotter to find out.

Earwigs can't help but wonder: Who pays this lobbyist to represent them?

LOVE CAUCUS NEWS . . . Friday was the deadline for candidates to file for the August primary. Ear hasn't sifted through all the chaff yet but it looks like Ketchikan's Kyle Johansen has withdrawn from the Republican primary in District 33 so he can run as an independent in November. Maybe he has a better chance with the vote divided three ways? We'll see.

ANOTHER VERDICT OVERTURNED . . . Remember back in 2006, when Sen. Ted Stevens described the Internet as "a series of tubes"? He was mocked nationally and, for a lot of Alaskans, the gaffe was more damaging to Uncle Ted's reputation than a felony conviction. Tubes?

Well, Ted is off the hook. A writer for Wired, Andrew Blum, has written a book about the hardware that makes cyberspace possible. He's called it "Tubes: A Journey to the Center of the Internet," deliberately using Ted's infamous description. In a radio interview Thursday on "Fresh Air," Terry Gross asked Blum point-blank, "Would you defend (Ted Stevens)?" Said Blum, "I certainly would ... The Internet is certainly made of tubes."

Score another one for Ted.

THANKS, MA'AM . . . It happened in mid-May but is worth mentioning. A neighboring earwig reports lawyer Sid Billingslea was jogging home from an evening run in Stuckagain Heights when a dog walker hailed her after noticing flames coming from a construction shed next to a neighbor's almost completed new house. Call AFD? Of course. Call 911? Of course. But never mind. According to the earwig, Sid put out the fire before help arrived.

And whose house did she rescue? Kevin Meyers' -- the Conoco Phillips honcho, not the legislator.

GOODBYE GIFT . . . Stuck among all the political fundraisers this past week was one gala worth noting: the formal goodbye to Carol Comeau, exiting superintendent of schools for Anchorage. Carol was amazingly popular for someone in that job -- earwigs will remember we rode a couple of her less successful predecessors out of town on a rail. (Life as a pinata is generally more fun than being a school superintendent.)

Anyhow, one of the things Carol leaves behind is a great little private endowment fund, an earmarked account in the Anchorage Schools Foundation. It's a pot of money that individual teachers can tap for small amounts to do something "innovative" in their classrooms. It's named after Carol, who was one of the founding members, and is run by an advisory board and the Alaska Community Foundation, not by the School District. It's a place for small donations that can be quickly delivered where they're needed. A fitting footprint for Carol to leave in Alaska.

More info at www.anchor ageschoolsfoundation.org.

KUDOS . . . Lovely Gustavus, the Eden of Southeast, is featured in a big way in the current issue of Organic Gardening magazine, with the spotlight on the Gustavus Inn. The story, by Alaska cookbook author Laurie Constantino, offers a bunch of recipes using local plants and animals (like salmon), plus pages of pictures likely to suck in tourists, including Alaskans.

THE RICH ARE DIFFERENT . . . APU fundraisers always render earwigs stunned and an upcoming June 13 gala is no exception. Hint: It's being held in zillionaire Bob Gillam's hangar.

Among the auction items well-heeled attendees will be invited to bid on: a round trip for two to Dubai, a fly-in for four to watch the Iditarod with an overnight at the Skwentna Roadhouse, a gourmet dinner party in your home catered by the APU women's ski team, ditto by the men's ski team, a loaded Ford pickup, a four-day trip using Gillam's jet (anywhere west of Denver that has a 5,000-foot runway), an eight-day cruise on the Sea of Cortez, a ... that's enough, darlings. You get the idea. It's all too much for Ear.

CREDIT WHERE DUE . . . You saw the stories about Travel and Leisure magazine, citing a poll of non-residents, declaring Anchorage the worst-dressed city in America? (Or was it the world?) Ear wishes to proudly announce having contributed massively over many years to this wonderful victory.

The best part of the alleged survey is that, when Anchorage residents were polled, Anchorage still ranked second to worst.

Hey, we're honest.

Compiled by Sheila Toomey Message Ear at 257-4341 or ear@adn.com. Ear can be found at www.adn.com/ear Sunday evening.