Alaska Ear

August 18, 2012 

SIGNS OF THE TIMES . . . Alaska salmon made in France? Perhaps they're only inviting citizens from Chitina? Make up your own jokes, d'Ears.

ADIEU . . . The Anchorage send-off for former Sen. Al Adams Wednesday was like a state funeral. A lot of people really liked the guy. Although he was never chairman of the Senate Finance Committee as Gary Stevens' press release said, Al was the sole chairman of House Finance from 1981 to 1988. He was the last lone chair of either finance committee -- it's taken two each to do the job since.

Long-time legislative staffer Christopher Clark calls Adams "the best committee chairman in the history of the Alaska State Legislature." Why?

"If he didn't have a quorum by 1:32 p.m., ... he would recess until the next day, sometimes as early as 6:30 a.m.," writes Chris. "Ergo, members didn't walk to committee. They RAN. And the meetings started on time."

Everyone was there Wednesday. Three governors, three lite govs, old-timers like Mike Szymanski, Randy Phillips, Drue Pearce, Rick Halford, Dave Donley, Clark Gruening, lots of Browers, Theresa Obermeyer and many more.

A QUESTION . . . Have the daughters of a well-known local family decided they want to be reality TV stars?

No, not Sarah's brood.

Earwigs in the video production world report someone is shopping around a pilot for a show tentatively called "AK Chicks."

It's allegedly a modern take on the old MGM "let's-put-on-a-play" movies. But the hook here is, "let's buy a lodge on the Kenai." As soon as we learn how to fish and pick up our outfits from Nordstrom. Or something like that. And is there a scene featuring fisticuffs in a Soldotna bar?

Doesn't sound real, does it? But remember, somebody paid actual money for "Bristol Palin: Life's a Tripp."

FUN SITE . . . Check out the No Upside Blog (blog.noupsi.de), but beware: it's addictive. The blogger, who obviously has a lot of spare time, wanted to find out what we (Americans) think about people in other states. Her theory is that our opinions are based on what we think we know, no matter how wrong it is.

So she Googled each state, using the query: "Why is (state) so ...?" and let Google's autocomplete function fill in the rest. The auto-complete tracks the most common words queried after "so." She created a map reporting the four top results for each state.

Alaska returned "cold, expensive, big, seismically active." Not so interesting. But Connecticut returned "expensive, rich, haunted, boring." Huh? Haunted?

N.J. -- "bad, hated, expensive, corrupt."

Poor West Virginia -- "poor, racist, fat, weird," and Tennessee came back "humid, fat, stupid."

The most used word across the board after "so" was "boring," she says. So apparently that's what we think of each other.

HE'S BAAAAACK. . . The public radio/television debate among competitors in the Republican primary for Alaska's only seat in the U.S. House of Representatives airs Friday on KAKM and KSKA. The candidates are John Cox, Terre Gales and -- surprise, surprise -- Darling Don Young. Earwigs at the taping say d'Ear old Don is back, in vintage form. Yippee!

And for those of you rude enough to inquire, friends say Don and his sweetie, a retired Fairbanks nurse, are still together.

AWKWARD . . . Remember last week, when Ear warned against trying to negotiate the ups and downs of political campaigns? Did Ear mention that the poll putting Linda Menard ahead of the competition was two months old, therefore completely irrelevant? No?

Well, surely Ear must have noted that it only covered half of Menard's Senate district? No.

The race for Menard's seat is "a lot closer" now, said pollster Marc Hellenthal.

Oh, by the way, the Out-to-Lunch Appendage also subtracted wrong. Good thing Alaska's three-strikes law doesn't apply to Lame Lobes.

To repeat: Trying to figure out what's going on in political campaigns can leave you looking really stupid.

NOT FAR ENOUGH . . . Earwigs report Dr. Martha Cotten and her dad, former Senator and still King of Halibut Cove Clem Tillion, recently flew to Adak for a vacation at Clem's house there -- yes, Ear was also shocked to find people actually live on Adak.

Anyhow, they were barely into a vacation mode when there was a frenzied knock on the door (OK, Ear made that part up): A badly injured crewman from a processor was being rushed to shore and they needed a doctor. So Dr. Martha did her thing, stabilized him, etc., and he was flown out to a hospital.

Moral: You can run but ...

POLICE BLOTTER . . . It's time once again for a bow to the west in awe and gratitude for Sgt. Jennifer Shockley's continuing reports on the activity of the Unalaska Police Department. And what better way to honor her than to continue stealing her material:

July 25 21:31 hours -- Officers issued a trespass advisement to a sobbing, intoxicated man who had been asked not to return to the Airport Bar after he began a disconcerting dance inside the restaurant and argued with employees about payouts for scratch cards.

July 26 00:12 hours -- Officer issued a trespass advisement to a no longer sobbing but still intoxicated man whose obstreperous behavior could not be tolerated at the Grand Aleutian hotel.

July 26 1:28 hours -- A now comatose but no longer sobbing inebriate was taken into protective custody after he was found passed out in front of the clinic, where he had tottered for treatment of medical problems which he refused to divulge to medical practitioners.


Compiled by Sheila Toomey Message Sheila at ear@adn.com Find Ear Sunday night at www.adn.com/ear.

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