Single skeptic calls 'humbug' on Valentine's hoopla

February 21, 2013 

Dear Wayne and Wanda,

I am sick of people in relationships acting like they're so much better than everyone else. Like you can't possibly have a good life if you're alone, like if you're single, you can't possibly be happy.

I take issue with that. I am single and I like my life just fine. If I meet someone, great, but I'm not losing sleep over the fact that I don't have a girlfriend.

And as long as I'm ranting, why do people have to put things like "Honey Bear, I love you" on their Facebook pages? Can't they just tell Honey Bear they love him without blasting it to the whole world?

Valentine's Day can suck it. Why don't we have a holiday where we can all talk about how great it is to be single?

I guess I don't really have a question for you guys. I'm just annoyed by our society that seems to constantly find new ways to tell us that if you're in a relationship, you're good, and if you're not, then you've got work to do. Thanks for letting me rant.

Signed,

Single by choice

Wanda says:

You know how you try a new restaurant and you love it and so you want to tell everyone how good it is and make them go? Or maybe you find a band you love and you start playing their music constantly for anyone who will listen in hopes they'll also become a die-hard fast fan. Well, when you fall in love, you are just really happy, and you want the people you care about to be really happy too, and, well duh, if they were also in love, they'd be so much happier!

The problem is -- well, there is more than one problem here. First, maybe the person really is happy on his own. I'm single and I'm OK with it. More than OK, actually. Much like our letter-writer, I wouldn't turn away true love if it came calling, but I'm not running around looking for it or lying awake thinking about it. Another problem with assuming all single people are somehow malfunctioning is the idea that all people in relationships are functioning. We all know that's false. Being with someone doesn't equal happiness. It doesn't even mean you won't be lonely. There's nothing lonelier than being tethered to someone who makes you feel unhappy, incomplete or inadequate.

So if you've found someone to swap hearts and flowers with every Feb. 14, congrats. If you're single and loving it, good for you too. If you're lonely and looking, keep looking. And if you're lonely and in a relationship, get out.

Wayne says:

Sounds like somebody got a big box of bitter chocolates for Valentine's Day!

Single By Choice, if you're so happy in your single status, why do the chirping love birds drive you crazy? Your letter reads like someone who is sad about being alone, mad that other people are happy and that the one true love in your life is whining about everyone else.

Now I'm not saying that there aren't some seriously obnoxious couples out there. The ones who kiss at the grocery store, blocking the avocados. The ones who sound like your mother, constantly asking you when you're going to settle down. And yes, even the ones who feel it necessary to post their versions of "I love you" on social media for the whole universe to see.

Annoying? Sure, at times. Mean-spirited? No. People don't care when they're in love -- they live in the moment and are driven by their pounding hearts, which leads them to do really romantic and occasionally ridiculous things. I'm betting you'd do the same if you found someone.

I'm going to give you one free rant because Valentine's Day is always a weird experience for singles. But next time the romantic rage starts to bubble, you need to look in the mirror and ask if it's really the couples around you that are bothering you or if it's your own perpetual single status. Then start putting some of that energy into dating. Stop whining -- start wining and dining.


• Wanda is a wise person who has loved, lost and believes in retail therapy. Wayne is a wise guy who has no use for therapy. Send them your questions and thoughts at wanda@adn.com.

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