Alaska Ear: More Fun (4/7/13)

By SHEILA TOOMEYApril 6, 2013 

MORE FUN . . . As if the Legislature itself weren't amusing enough, Juneauites were treated last weekend to the annual Legislative Skits. Earwigs report they were pretty funny but, as usual, you had to be there. They don't translate well to print.

Turncoat Lindsey Holmes was the butt of one number, a parody of the Bob Seger classic "Night Moves," now called "Right Moves." The chorus went, "Lindsey made the right move. And she made the front page of the Daily News. . . . Now her ties back home, they're kind of rocky. But she's got a new office . . . Scott Kawasaki's."

Ear liked the "Unnecessary Censorship" bits, where they played tapes of real legislators talking, with strategically placed bleeps. The Parnell one was typical:

"I come before you to discharge a (bleep) as old as our democracy."

NEXT CHAPTER . . . The latest showdown over leadership of the state Republican Party is scheduled to happen this week. For those of you who haven't been paying attention because you have an actual life, let Ear recap briefly:

The people who have run the party for the last 10 years or so want to take back the chairmanship from Debbie Brown, who was elected vice chair in the Libertarian takeover last year. Her predecessor as chairman was Russ Millette, who got deposed earlier this year. Like Millette, Debbie is "charged" with failing to raise money for the party -- a capital offense among Republicans.

Like everything else in politics, the details aren't important. All that matters is who has the votes.

But last week, Millett announced he plans to hand the whole mess over to a forum where politics don't always reign supreme: the courts. The issue is the same, however: $$$.

"Ever since my election I have been stonewalled by the establishment when I have asked for audited books," Millett wrote in a request for donations to a legal fund.

"And now I understand that there are no assets in the (Alaska Republican Party) checking account. This obviously begs the question, "What happened to the ARP money and where did it go? Money that was donated and cannot be accounted for and the establishment refuses to account for and seemingly does not want any accounting for the monies in question."

The Omniscient Orifice thinks the answer is, the old guard sent the money to a Juneau Republican organization to keep the new guys from getting their hands on it. That's the rumor anyhow.

Russ says he needs to raise $5,000 to file a lawsuit. Ron Paul's Liberty PAC has reportedly promised to match that.

Ear says, yippee. Lawsuits mean discovery orders. Open the files. Bring on the documents.

LEGAL FUND #2 . . . Across the political divide, appeals are out for donations to another legal fund: to get lawyers into the Moe vs. Hall Assembly seat fight.

Supporters say there are enough uncounted write-ins to make Moe the winner. Sen. Mark Begich reportedly signed on for a quick Moe fund-raiser yesterday at Jim Lottsfeldt's place.

BEST ELECTION QUOTE . . . An earwig, commenting on Mayor Dan Sullivan's claim that "special interests" stole -- or nearly stole -- the election from a couple of Assembly candidates he endorsed:

"Someone should tell Sullivan that when it becomes a majority, it's no longer a 'special' interest."

(Ear was not inclined to debate the point. The quotable d'Ear has a black belt in karate).

RATS . . . Earwigs report failed Senate candidate Joe Miller's organization (or maybe Joe himself) tweeted the following:

"4/3/13 5:41 PM VIDEO: Alaska Governor's Department of Administration Interferes With Pro-life Protest."

Honor Code Joe, attacking Parnell from the right? Oh man, it's going to be a long year. Is there any chance they'll both just fall off the edge?

CENTER STAGE . . . A documentary about our most Earish governor has gone to DVD and is available for viewing in the privacy of our own homes. "Alaska, the World & Wally Hickel" is a one-hour, 2013 docudrama apparently made for public television. The promos give Wally an actor credit -- for playing himself? No word on who plays the Little Man.

TONGUE BACKSTORY . . . Public Policy Polling (PPP), an outfit with a reputation for accuracy, did a study of 20 of the most widespread conspiracy theories and came up with the following:

22 percent of Romney voters believe President Obama is the antichrist.

29 percent of all voters believe aliens exist. (Actually, Stephen Hawking believes life exists elsewhere in the universe, so maybe this one isn't as crazy as it seems.)

4 percent of voters believe "lizard people" control society by gaining political power.

Hmmm. Over-excited by watching paint dry and snow melt, Ear tried to get to sleep Monday night by watching the House debate on HB4 and discovered the lizard thing is true. As you may have heard, there was an actual tongue-flicking event.

UNALASKA COPS . . . Suspicious Person/Activity -- Complainant suspects he received two counterfeit $20 bills because they were signed by two different treasury secretaries. Officers determined that both bills were authentic.

Compiled by Sheila Toomey. Message Sheila at or 257-4341.

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