Ask Amy: Girlfriend must rethink relationship with cheater

Tribune Media ServicesJune 29, 2013 

DEAR AMY: I've been in a relationship for 17 months with my boyfriend, but the trust issue comes between us.

I always think he is cheating on me because he has cheated on me three times already, but I forgave him.

I don't know if he is cheating again. Every time I ask him, he tells me I'm the only one. But why do I always have this feeling that he's doing something behind my back?

Sometimes he will just text me twice a day. Then sometimes he won't even get in touch to say good night, but I will know he is still up until 3 in the morning communicating with people on Facebook.

I'm afraid he might be cheating on me again. I love him so much, Amy. What should I do? — Faithful Lady

DEAR FAITHFUL: At some point, even the most faithful person needs to wake up and smell the cheating.

I worry about you. I worry about your choice to stay with someone who keeps you so off kilter. You are at the point in your relationship where it no longer really matters what your boyfriend is doing; what matters now is what you do. You should muster the courage to leave this relationship because you know you deserve something better.

Judging from your boyfriend's track record and current actions (as well as your instincts about him), I'd say that if you want a faithful love relationship, a good place to start would be to get a dog.

DEAR AMY: My boyfriend and I have been together for almost four years and are very much in love.

The one thing I can't stand about him is his friend "George." He has such an ugly personality, and I find that he makes me so irritated sometimes that I cannot stand to even be around him, because I hate who I become just being in his presence!

He says hurtful things to me and goes out of his way to say them.

What makes me sad is that sometimes he will be very rude to me in front of my beau, who does absolutely nothing! He does not stand up for me, and I've had it with his pal.

What should I do? I can't believe my boyfriend has such bad taste in friends! — Pal is a Pain

DEAR PAIN: I honestly can't imagine standing idle while someone mistreated a loved one, and I agree that it would be a relief if your boyfriend defended you, but your first job is to stand up for yourself.

You note that you don't like the way you respond to "George," and so you already have a place to start. I suggest a turnaround on your part when dealing with this bully. The next time he mouths off to you, you should take a deep breath, look him in the eye and say, "George, stop it. Thank you." And then you say to your guy, "Honey, I'll see you later." And you leave.

By all means, if you don't want to spend time with this guy, then don't.

DEAR AMY: Recently I wrote to ask your advice about a new baby co-sleeping with her grandparents and never put into a crib.

Your advice worked, and I am sending you a million thank-yous. The little one is now put in her big, magnificent crib, and she loves it. Thank you, Amy. — No Longer a Worried Grandma

DEAR GRANDMA: I am so happy that your daughter and her family paid close attention to the reasonable recommendations about co-sleeping. The day your letter was published, I heard a fascinating account of a long-running program in Finland, where every expectant mother in the country is offered a "baby box," a sturdy cardboard box filled with baby basics. The baby spends its first weeks sleeping in the box. This is a simple and safe way to co-sleep with an infant.

Other readers wondered about the choice these parents made to have their baby sleep with grandparents. I know that this is common in some cultures, where extended families live under one roof, and the parents both work outside the home.

(You can contact Amy Dickinson via email: askamytribune.com. You can also follow her on Twitter askingamy or "like" her on Facebook. Amy Dickinson's memoir, "The Mighty Queens of Freeville: A Mother, a Daughter and the Town that Raised Them" (Hyperion), is available in bookstores.) 

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