Good discipline important to a child's future

The National Education Association of Alaska

Most parents want to raise children who are responsible for their own actions, and consistent discipline is a part of that effort.

The National Education Association of Alaska (NEA-Alaska) offers these suggestions for positive steps toward better discipline in the home and at school.

• Make realistic rules that you think are important and be firm in seeing that your children follow them. Above all, do not make rules you have no intention of enforcing.

• Tell your children just what you expect of them - set limits. Most youngsters find too much freedom unsettling though they might be the last to admit. They you will react when they are not meeting specific expectations.

• Offer choices and encourage responsible decision making. If your child approaches you with a request you feel you should deny, try saying, "What would you say if you were in my place? What should I say? What would be my reason?" If you give your children options instead of saying no all the time, they will often be able to handle their disappointment better.

• Do you tell your children you like being with them? Tell them that you admire their good qualities and reward good behavior. One of the most powerful rewards for children is the love, interest and attention they receive from their mother, father, or other significant adult in the family.

• Young children are great imitators, so set a good example. If you tell them not to speak negatively about others or always to make their beds in the morning, and they see you doing just the opposite, it creates confusion.

• State your requests clearly. For example, it is easier for a child to follow the direction, "That bat and ball are outside only toys," rather than, "Don't play with that in here."

• Although positive methods usually work best in changing children's behavior, sometimes parents may feel punishment is necessary. Effective punishment relies on withholding rewards or privileges and provides a clear-cut method of earning them back.

• Before punishing, it is a good idea to give a verbal warning that the behavior is to stop at once. Then punishment should follow immediately after the offense so that the child understands the association between the misbehavior and the punishment.

• Avoid physical punishment. Other forms of discipline, such as short periods of isolation ("time out") and withholding privileged activities, focus more on the behavior and less on the self-concept of the child. This helps parents make the distinction that the behavior is bad, not the child.

• If you find that you are frequently frustrated, angry and quick to strike your child, ask for help. Your child’s school counselor or teacher can recommend parenting classes or other resources in your community.

• Finally, consistency will determine the success of whatever discipline methods you use. Be predictable and follow through. Don’t hesitate to talk to other parents about disciplinary tactics that have worked well for them.

Changing patterns and establishing new parental discipline methods can take a long time, but stick to it. The important thing is to form a clear objective, then take a few steps at a time in that direction.

©2000 Anchorage Daily News