Alaska News

Ralph the Big Brother not just any Joe

HAINES -- I would like to hear less about Joe the Plumber and more about Ralph the Big Brother. I don't think I'm alone, if the turnout for the Big Brothers Big Sisters Dream Big Luncheon in Haines last Thursday is any indication. A third of all Haines and Klukwan elementary students now have what we call "Bigs" -- adult or teen mentors who meet with them once a week or more.

Ralph Borders is one of them, and he spoke to encourage others to try it. Ralph works for the Borough Public Works Department. He's driving the snowplow this week. He lives in a tidy home at the base of Mt. Ripinsky and he hikes or runs one of the mountain's trails just about every day. In the winter, I see him up there on snowshoes.

At almost half way between fifty and sixty Ralph is still one of the top contenders in the annual Fourth of July Ripinsky Run. Ralph is married to Ellen, a librarian who laughs a lot and reads all kinds of interesting books. On Sundays, they attend a church so small it meets in a living room, but Ralph still gets dressed up.

Ralph's not a big public speaker, but he spoke about his Little Brother without notes.

(I'm sure telling you this will embarrass Ralph to no end; he probably wouldn't mind the reason. If Ralph can change the world, you can too.)

When he saw the posters around town about Big Brothers Big Sisters, Ralph didn't volunteer. He doesn't have any children, and he didn't think he would be particularly good with one. His hunting and hiking partner Vince Hansen, who is also a Big Brother and the father of three girls, recommended him.

Ralph said he filled out the paper work, had an interview with Burl Sheldon, the director of the Haines and Klukwan program, and then went with Burl to the library to meet his match or "Little."

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"Right then I knew I'd made a terrible mistake," Ralph told us, and we laughed. Then Ralph said the boy ran in, with this huge smile, tugging his mother by the hand, "and I knew that this was going to be great, and I went home and told Ellen I have the greatest Little Brother in the whole world."

They hike, fish, and make cookies with Ellen, but Ralph said it hasn't all been fun and games. His Little Brother lost an eye last winter in a fireworks accident and has had health issues ever since.

Here's the weird -- and wonderful -- thing. Ralph had his own life-changing accident. A bear mauled him, and his face has some scars, which I think he notices more than anyone else does. His Little Brother told all the doctors and nurses who said he was such a brave boy that his friend Ralph was even tougher -- he had survived a bear attack.

It makes you wonder if their relationship was just a coincidence.

Kind of like the adoption of our daughter. Stoli is almost 18 now, but she was 8 years old when she came from an orphanage in Bulgaria, in a similar manner to Ralph's little brother. We also didn't volunteer, but were recommended by other adoptive parents in Haines. When I went to meet Stoli, I had my own "this is all a terrible mistake, what if she doesn't like us, or won't fit in?" thoughts, and like Ralph, the minute I saw her I knew we had lucked out, that she was finer than fine, and that we had the best kid in the whole world joining our family.

Her brother and sister were "Bigs" in the school program, so when she was old enough we encouraged her to be a Big Sister too.

Let's just say she was not as keen on it as her father and I were. Her first year, Burl did not give her a glowing review. She had to be reminded to visit her little sister. Mostly, she had to learn how important she was to her new, young friend, and -- here's where I think the magic comes in -- how special she is too. She learned that she is someone another child looks up to. It has been three years now, and my daughter has benefited as much, or more, as her Little Sister has, and she's good at it now.

The mother of Stoli's Little Sister also spoke at the luncheon.

She said she has found time in her busy week to be a Big Sister herself because "I like to think I'm making a difference in her life, maybe as much as Stoli is making in my daughter's life."

Near the end of Ralph's talk, he said, "you just wish you could do more." Then he said that the other night, when his Little Brother was being prepared for a medevac flight to the Juneau hospital, "I got called from the clinic." His young friend wanted to see him before he left. Big Brother Ralph started to say something more about that, paused, cleared his throat, and said, "I'm glad I'm doing this," and went back to his seat.

Heather Lende lives in Haines and ist heauthor of "If You Lived Here, I'd Know Your Name." She can be reached at heatherlende@adn.com.

By HEATHER LENDE

AROUND ALASKA

Heather Lende

Heather Lende is the author of "If You Lived Here, I'd Know Your Name: News From Small-Town Alaska." To contact Heather or read her new blog, The News From Small-Town Alaska, visit www.heatherlende.com.

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