Features

Man is overrun by girlfriend's love for stray animals

Dear Wanda and Wayne,

I've got a problem with my girlfriend: She is too kind to animals. She brings in every stray cat and dog she finds. And she finds a lot of them. I mean a lot. She had three dogs and three cats when I met her, and now we have so many new ones coming and going I can't keep track of how many are ours and how many are just being rescued.

They jump on the bed all night, fight and keep me awake and kind of cut into our sex life too. I have to help walk the dogs, change cat boxes and feed them all. I hate to sound like a mean guy, but it takes up every minute of our time, and my girlfriend spends hours on the phone or Internet trying to find homes for the lost animals. I think she is very sweet for doing all this, but if I try to suggest cutting back on the number, she gets mad at me. Am I being unreasonable? -- The Accidental Zookeeper

Wayne: Jeez, I hate it when a woman does some maddening thing that you can't really fault her for. What are you going to say -- "let the kitten freeze?" I don't think so. It's much easier when your girl cheats on you with some guy she picked up hitchhiking in front of a prison or something like that. Much easier.

You are going to look like the bad guy here no matter what you say. Still, she really should be listening to your complaints of being ignored. I like jumping up and down on the bed with cats and dogs as much as the next guy. Who doesn't? But not every night.

What can I say? You have to decide how many litter boxes you want to sift through, how many piles of doggy doo-doo you care to deal with, how many fleas you can stand. We all make adjustments for the people we care about. Decide how far you're willing to go and tell her the truth, but don't make it an accusation. Push comes to shove, you might have to let yourself off the leash and make a run for it.

Wanda: You are not being unreasonable. Then again, you can't expect your girlfriend to give up her love of animals. So this situation provides a great opportunity for compromise. It's completely fair to ask if you can establish a few ground rules.

ADVERTISEMENT

For example: No animals on the bed. My own pooch is allowed on the bed, but only when she is invited -- and that doesn't happen when I'm already sharing the bed with someone else. Ahem.

Another possible ground rule: Only one rescue animal at a time. Your girlfriend's volunteer work is noble, no doubt. But the painful fact is that it's damaging your relationship. You don't want to deliver an ultimatum, so limiting the number of animals your household rescues to one at a time is a good way to meet in the middle.

She may get mad when you bring this up, but maybe less so if you approach the issue in a spirit of compassion and compromise. If you feel you can't go it alone, a mediator or a couples' counselor could be of valuable use.

You live there too after all, and she needs to understand the negative impact her otherwise well-intentioned behavior is having on your relationship.

• Wanda is a wise person who has loved, lost and been to therapy. Wayne is a wise guy who has no use for therapy. Send them your questions and thoughts at wanda@adn.com.

ADVERTISEMENT