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Send pic, will play

Dear Wayne and Wanda,

I answered an online ad for men looking for women. This guy claimed to be disabled and looking for a friend. I wrote him, and we set an appointment to play a game of Scrabble. I shuffled work appointments and rearranged my schedule for the game. I just got an e-mail from him wanting to see a picture of me before we can play a board game.

What is with these men? The first thing they ask for is a picture. Not that I am paper-bag ugly. I don't mind sending a pic -- but why? I don't demand their pic or financial statement. I just don't get it. What difference does it make what someone looks like? -- Good at Scrabble No Matter What I Look Like

Wayne -- Sorry, I can't answer this question until I see your picture.

OK, obviously this guy wants female companionship, romance, maybe even the big "L" word. If all he really wanted in this life was a Scrabble partner, he would not have placed the ad under "Men Looking for Women." He would have run it in "Lonely Social Misfits Looking for Same." They have that category, right?

And please don't anyone (including Wanda) try to tell me that looks don't matter. Looks always matter. It is merely a question of how much. Some vacuous twits -- male and female -- are interested in looks alone. That's because they were born without brains.

Still, all humans have standards of beauty. Smarter, more complex people are also attracted to nice personalities, wit, charm, intelligence, loyalty and a host of other intangibles. The trouble is, what we see first is the surface. Online dating has been good for the world because it allows you to "hear" a person talk before you see her or him.

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So send the guy your photo and hope you've already charmed him with your words. You might land a new S-Q-U-E-E-Z-E, hopefully on a triple-word score.

Wanda -- I'd be interested to see this e-mail from him where he says he wants to see your photo before you can play a board game. Maybe he only wanted to make sure he'll recognize you at the coffee shop or the bookstore or wherever you'll be meeting. Or maybe he's a total butthead. It's hard to know.

For the time being, I'd give him the benefit of the doubt and presume he was just curious. Isn't that OK? Aren't you even a little curious as to what he looks like? If not, well, good on you. You're more enlightened than the rest of us.

Wayne is correct that looks matter, at least somewhat. All kinds of scientific hypotheses try to explain why that is. So nothing is "with" these men, unless you count thousands of years of evolution dictating that women with big boobs, small waists and curvy hips are more likely to help them pass on their genes. (Never mind if they don't want children -- it's hard-wired by now.) Or that TV, movies and magazines bombard us with images of what "beautiful" people supposedly look like. It's not necessarily right, fair or good. It's simply the way things are.

I think this guy was probably just a bit too eager. I hope you won't let his curiosity kill the cat.

• Wanda is a wise person who has loved, lost and been to therapy. Wayne is a wise guy who has no use for therapy. Send them your questions and thoughts at wanda@adn.com.

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