SAD FAREWELL . . . Darlings, darlings, darlings. Ear is almost too distraught to snipe. The gift that keeps on giving -- Earwise -- will soon be gone from our daily radar. True, she could resurface as a FOX talk show star or bathing suit model, but it won't be the same. She won't really be ours anymore.
No more quotes like, "Only dead fish go with the flow."
No more sexy First Dude.
And who's ever seen Sean Parnell in a fab red jacket?
There are a zillion theories about why Sarah called it quits, but only Ear and a few insiders know the truth.
It's the Runner's World curse. Spawn of the infamous Sports Illustrated curse wherein the team or athlete featured in a cover story about how great they are inevitably tanks.
Sarah stars in the "I'm a Runner" feature in the August issue of Runner's World, which rarely profiles politicians. Previous starring politicos include N.Y. Gov. David Paterson, former N.Y. Gov. Elliot Spitzer and would-be president John Edwards.
See? A curse.
FLYING FACTOID . . . The Nome Chamber of Commerce has cordially invited Ruth Madoff, wife of Ponzi scheme Bernie, to move there, promising she "can live off the land, far away from the prying news media. Nome is a place where people judge you for what you do, not who you are." Ruth got thrown out of her Manhattan apartment Thursday. Check Alaska Newsreader at adn.com for details.
COFFEY TO GO? . . . The Back to the Future Sullivan administration is reportedly courting former legislator Dave Donley to run for Dan Coffey's Assembly seat in April. Among others, Ear assumes.
According to people who claim to know, "they" don't want Coffey to resign now and let the Assembly fill his seat. The theory is, the Assembly would pick a "liberal," who would then run in April with an incumbent's edge.
Coffey has long been earmarked as Sullivan's right-hand guy -- chief of staff would be Ear's guess. But whoever "they" are may come to regret not putting Dan in from the get-go. He's a pretty smart guy. And the Assembly isn't all that liberal.
And speaking of the smartest guy in the room, wasn't it great to see George well enough to line up with the other former mayors and watch his son take the oath of office? Ear got choked up.
SPEAKING OF ELECTIONS . . . Hollis French vs. Loren Leman?
MILESTONED . . . They threw a 70th birthday party at Alice's Champagne Palace in Homer last weekend for Irwin Ravin. Ear won't mention any names but is told the place was full of old hippies, mostly turned respectable over the years. Ravin is the lawyer who deliberately got arrested in 1973 with a small amount of marijuana in his pocket so he could challenge the state's anti-pot laws. He was successful. The Supremes said what Alaskans do with small amounts of marijuana in their own homes is nobody's business.
ONE-STOP SHOPPING . . . The Kid Senator has moved his Anchorage office from Ted's old digs in the Federal Building to Peterson Towers downtown, where Lisa and Don already have their offices.
And, since we're talking about Begich, he ascended to a special level of pop stardom this past week: He was a "Jeopardy" question on a show that aired Wednesday. The category was "New Congressman & Governors." For $400 in the Double Jeopardy round the question was "'New senator Mark Begich of this state replaced Ted Stevens." The contestant correctly answered "What is Alaska?"
All that's left now is the NewYork Times crossword puzzle.
FOR SALE . . . A spiffy red pickup listed for sale on eBay last week was advertised as once belonging to "Alaska's Famous Governor, former United States Vice-Presidential candidate, and possible 2012 Presidential Candidate, Sarah Palin." The truck is an ex-wreck with a salvage title. It has a "Sarah Palin for Governor" bumper sticker, "probably stuck on there by the First Dude himself!" the ad gushes. "This truck was likely the one that Sarah drove around in Wasilla Alaska during her early political days as that small town's mayor."
Well, maybe. Maybe not. An earwig who claims to know says the truck was Track's before he went in the Army, and was bought by then-Palin aide Ivy Frye, who was involved in a nasty collision with it.
But really, d'Ears. Speculation is much more fun: "We don't know all the details about this vehicle," says the ad. "There may be a mystery behind it, or even a cover-up! Maybe you can figure it out!"
CREATIVE SOLUTION . . . Is Ear the only appendage who got a kick out of Jay Ramras' response to the attack of the Sarahbots? One of the pro-Palin Web sites shrieked Monday about him having a conflict of interest over the gas line because he owns 5,000 shares of BP stock.
Jay hasn't oozed enthusiasm about the TransCanada deal.
In response, Jay pointed out that everyone knows he owns BP stock because he announced it by filing the required public disclosures with APOC.
But in case that wasn't enough, Jay said he has now bought 5,000 shares of TransCanada -- to correct any perceived imbalance. At the current price, that's about $130,000.
Ear remembers a variety of politicians selling stock in response to similar complaints over the years, but can't recall anyone in Alaska ever solving it this way.
And btw, why doesn't anyone mention that Todd actually works for BP?
KUDOS . . . To Lesley Hammer, a forensic scientist at the state crime lab, who has just become head of the international Scientific Working Group on Shoeprint and Tire Tread Evidence. Hey, it's a big deal. They're 10 forensic scientists chosen from around the world who establish guidelines and set professional standards for all that cool CSI stuff. Way to go.
IT'S NOT JUST EAR . . . Appendages other than The Luscious Lobe have questioned the transformation of former KTUU reporter Meghan Stapleton, once a friendly, decent human being, into Magnum Staplegun, hit woman for SarahPAC. Check out the story about the governor in this month's Vanity Fair. Link to it at adn.com/alaskapolitics.
EARWIGS KNOW ALL . . . A reader answered last week's question about whatever happened to taxidermist Hunter Fisher. Ear is told he sold his business and retired to Florida, where he died a couple of years ago.
ON THE MOVE . . . Outgoing APU President Doug North has hired on as head of something called The Albany Academy in upstate New York. He's been president of APU since the mid 1990s.
Doug doesn't start until next year, according to a story in the Albany Times Union.
No new prez for APU yet.
Compiled by Sheila Toomey. Contact Sheila at stoomey@adn.com. Find Ear online at adn.com/ear.