Q. My supervisor has treated me like dirt for the last month and I don't know why. Until then I thought she was the best supervisor I'd ever had in my life.
I've asked her if there's a problem and she says no, that she appreciates me as an employee. Still, something's changed. When I come in to talk with her, she listens to my questions and gives me quick answers, but she doesn't engage me in conversation or appear interested if I try to prolong the interaction. Before this last month, she used to give me all the time I needed if I had an idea I wanted to run by her or I needed help on doing something better.
The only thing I can figure out is that my supervisor got into a control battle with a new hire in another department a couple of months ago. This new hire is an incredible asset to our company and for some reason she gets tense around my supervisor. I reached out to this new hire because I was concerned and learned she thinks my supervisor is rude to her.
I asked my supervisor, and this may have been a mistake, why she wasn't treating this other woman better. When she asked what I meant, I told her I'd learned she was rude to this new person. My supervisor seemed shocked, denied she was treating her badly and said she wasn't creating any tension. I told my supervisor I could feel the tension and she said, "Well, it's either in your imagination or it's coming from someone other than me."
Things haven't been the same since.
A. When you noticed tension between a supervisor you described as great and a new hire, you asked the new hire about it. When she told you that your supervisor was rude, you suggested to your supervisor that she clean up her act.
What happened to your independent thinking?
Unless the problem truly lies with your supervisor, the new hire manipulated you and won your support in a game of office politics, leaving your supervisor to wonder why you took a bad-mouther's words as gospel.
Work relationships, like any other relationships, depend on a healthy give-and-take balance. Your supervisor mentored you. How did you return the favor? Did you give your supervisor the benefit of the doubt or did the tension you noticed and the new hire's comments propel you into action on the new hire's behalf? If so, you both meddled and threw your relationship with your supervisor under the bus.
Now what? When you step into mud, you need to lift your shoe out and take a step back. Tell your supervisor that her shock brought you to your senses and apologize to her for taking someone else's comments as truth when you knew for a fact how great she's been to you.
Meanwhile, if you've correctly assessed what disrupted this work relationship, your supervisor needs to act maturely as well. You tried to fix a problem and, though you handled it awkwardly, you had good intentions.
Alternatively, perhaps you need to accept that you don't know what you don't know. You've made a lot of assumptions here. What if you've figured this out all wrong? Like other relationships, sometimes a work relationship tears or breaks before one party realizes the problem. Perhaps your supervisor feels the economy's pressure and needs to get work done. If so, she might not have time for your conversations and simply wants you to knuckle down to work. Possibly she's given you enough mentoring and now wants you to prove yourself. If so, your best strategy: Get to work.
Lynne Curry is a local management trainer, consultant and syndicated columnist. Her advice and opinion column appears Mondays. Questions for her column may be faxed to her at 258-2157 or mailed to her c/o Anchorage Daily News, P.O. Box 149001, Anchorage 99514-9001. Her e-mail is lynne@thegrowthcompany.com.
LYNNE CURRY
MANAGEMENT