Alaska News

Generations connect in heartfelt talk about scourge of suicide in Alaska

FAIRBANKS--A workshop on "Cultural & Community Strengths for Suicide Prevention" Monday didn't go exactly according to plan.

The introductions alone consumed nearly an hour-and-a-half, leaving no time for a formal presentation at the Elders & Youth Conference in the Carlson Center.

Most of those in the audience of more than 100 introduced themselves and put a pin on a map of Alaska showing their hometown.

In the end, the pins covered dozens of villages, and the audience participation turned the workshop into a powerful personal seminar about a scourge that afflicts communities and families across the state.

The speakers, most of them with gray hair, spoke in strong or soft voices, sometimes breaking with tears or rising with passion about a wound that never heals.

They talked about losing their own children and grandchildren, or brothers, sisters, cousins and uncles. Most of the people in the room knew all too much about the high rate of suicide in Alaska.

Some talked of staying sober, alcohol addiction, the power of families and finding God, while many stressed the need for parents to talk to children and for children to talk to parents.

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There was a sense of overwhelming grief and sadness at the prospect of what might have been.

"I lost a friend 55 years ago. I still think about him," said Calvin D. Moto, Sr. of Deering. "I always wonder how many grandchildren the two of us would have. So you see, you not only hurt the family, but sometimes you hurt the best friend."

Moto, 75, said that more must be done to include young people in the discussion of difficult questions, like this one.

"They're our future. We keep talking about them being our future, but we block them out," he said. "We have to include them in a lot of our decisions about what's going on right now."

A man who had lost his brother to suicide said that parents must tell their children of their love, and people must trust in God.

"I know that it hurts each and every one of us, but God is good," he said.

Mary Ann Wilson of Kotzebue said her work as a volunteer helping prepare meals has shown her the need to support others when they need it.

"I just recently lost a grandson to suicide too, so it's really hard," she said. "Let your children know that you're there for them, that you love them, because they're a part of you."

Rob Sanderson Jr. of Ketchikan, second vice president of the Central Council Tlingit and Haida Indian Tribes, said that solutions have to come from the local level.

"I've lost over 35 family and friends to suicide," he said. "See what I'm holding here?"

He held up a dollar bill and said it would one day be as worthless as the paper it will be printed on.

"When we teach our young people to tie into their culture, things are going to start getting a lot better, believe me. And to the parents out there, lean on your kids, don't be afraid to lean on them, because when you lean on them they're going to listen. It's when you let them step on you, that's when you lose them."

He said that this and food security are the most important topics facing AFN.

One elderly mother said she was shocked to learn not too long ago that one of her sons was thinking of taking his own life.

"I don't even know how to express what I felt when I heard about this, but I'm thankful this afternoon that as a mother I could talk to them and let them know that I loved them," she said.

A mother who had lost children to suicide said that parents should not conclude that their kids will be OK and be silent.

"Talk nice to them, even though you don't have words to say that you love them when they did something bad. Try your best. Pray for them," she said. "Be with them, they're your own. Ask them. Help them."

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"You young people, you talk to your friends if you know something is going on with your friends," she said.

Children have to grow up being proud of who they are, and they have to hear the right messages growing up, several speakers said.

Vince Pikonganna of Nome said that in the old days, the elders would get together with a young person in trouble and "talk with them and be with them and nourish them and guide them along with their problem, on what to do and not to do."

"We need to get back to that again," he said.

"When the mind and your heart are fighting, you get confused. I always go to the heart, not to my mind, because my mind wanders around all over, but my heart stays still in one place. So I always go with my heart because he never steers me in the wrong direction," he said.

About half of those in the audience were young people, and Pikonganna was one of many elderly speakers who addressed them from the heart.

"We really care for you young people. When a young person takes his life we cry," he said.

A suicide is like erasing an important piece of the future.

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"Please, please, I cannot say this well enough, please talk to an elder when you have a problem. Don't be shy with us. Don't be scared of us. Talk to us," he said.

"We value you deeply. You mean so much to us," he said. "I was young once. I know how it is to be young. I cannot cry long enough right now to see how important you young people are."

As he sat down, the audience applauded.

It was heartbreaking to listen to many of the stories, but I left the room thinking those who spoke openly about their trauma, displaying courage, did so because dozens of young people in the audience might hear what they need to know.

That may be one key to finding the strength to prevent suicide.

Dermot Cole can be reached at dermot(at)alaskadispatch.com. Follow him on Twitter @DermotMCole

Dermot Cole

Former ADN columnist Dermot Cole is a longtime reporter, editor and author.

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