My name is Ariel Tweto. I'm from Unalakleet, a small, isolated village in rural Alaska with a population of roughly 650 people. I've lived there almost my entire life, and I can't put a number to the amount of suicide deaths that I have experienced within my village. According to the Alaska Bureau of Vital Statistics, Alaska has the highest rate of suicide per capita in the United States, and that rate is not slowing down.
Here is my story.
When I heard about the last three suicides I did not shed a tear. Even though they were people I loved, for some unexplainable reason my emotions were numb. Is it because suicide is so ordinary now and I've become used to it? Is it because I don't have any tears left?
I want to cry again. That may seem like an odd thing to want, but it's not as odd as feeling as if you can't feel anything. I want to cry like you should do when a loved one passes on, but nothing comes out of me other than a few four-letter words. Instead of being sad, I get mad. I get frustrated because I feel so helpless. Suicide shouldn't happen this often, and it does in many places around the world. According to Suicide Awareness Voices of Education, an average of one person dies by suicide every 16.2 minutes. Don't you think that is ridiculous?
Suicide shouldn't be an option. Nowadays, it's not a surprise when it happens, especially where I am from and in other northern regions. I often find myself thinking, "Who is going to be next?" Isn't that horrible? I think a lot of us from the village silently think the same thing. But I am going to make a change from here on out. I am going to do something instead of just sitting back and wondering when the next suicide will happen.
Giving suicide a dose of its own medicine
Here is my plan.
I am going to give suicide a dose of its own medicine and bully the crap out of it. I want suicide to commit suicide. Wouldn't that be nice? It will be the one time when people will be happy to hear about a suicide. And that will be the last time it will ever occur. I want kids to read about suicide in their history books and think, people actually did that? I want to pick up the phone when my parents call and for it to be good news. I want people to feel like their lives are worth living and for them to find their purpose.
For kids to set goals and dream big. For adults to be inspired and live life happily ever after. But how do we do that? How do we end it? How do we make people who are considering ending their lives reconsider and find hope? I'm sorry but I don't know the answer yet, but I do know that if we start bringing awareness to this epidemic, if we start having a dialogue about it, if we break the stigma that comes along with suicide, then we can figure out how to put an end to it.
My hope is for people to start talking about suicide after reading this. I may offend some of you in this article and I'm okay with that. I've lived in Los Angeles for a few years now, and one thing I learned is that if you offend people, they will talk about it. I'm not saying that's a good thing but it is true. I want people to get riled up if they read about something in here that doesn't float their boat. I want folks to get riled up if they relate to or agree with me. I encourage you to tell your friends, coworkers, mom, and Twitter followers about this epidemic.
Tell your Facebook friends and your tinder and match.com dates. Okay that may be a bit much ... I'd wait until the second or third date to bring it up. Just do me a favor and talk about this issue and your feelings toward it with someone. As we all know, creating awareness is the first step to a solution.
One of the biggest realizations I've noticed since involving myself in suicide prevention is that people have a hard time even saying the word suicide. When I was growing up in Unalakleet we used to go sliding on a hill named Suicide Hill. It was called that because it was a steep and scary hill, so the name made sense. Just recently the name was changed! Even small instances like that are evidence of how severe this really is. Just because we shove an issue under a rug doesn't mean that it is not there. It is there, more than ever!
The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention stated in an April 2013 issue of its Morbidity and Mortality Weekly Report that "more people now die of suicide than in car accidents." That is insane to me because we hear about car accidents every day. We have to learn to be okay with talking about suicide as well. We can't be ashamed or embarrassed to talk about it. We need to learn how to talk to our loved ones if they are sad, lonely, or just not themselves. There needs to be accessible places where people can go to get help. For people in Alaska, those places have to be in the village or in a nearby hub, not in other places such as the Lower 48, Norway or even heaven for that matter.
A lot of people in the villages' only support system is to pray to "God" or to other belief systems for help. We need to be able to ask people here on earth for advice and support as well. Because in all honesty, I don't think God can do a lot from Heaven. Yes, keep praying and talking to him if that makes you happier and gives you comfort, but I don't think we should rely on him for everything. He seems like a really busy guy. Lets lighten his load a little...it's called consideration people!
Don't get me wrong, I am all about believing in a higher power and having faith, but the point I am trying to make is that we have to be proactive down here. Right now. We can't rely solely on our belief systems if we are going to end this epidemic. Which we will. I 100 percent believe it.
Can't reason with suicide
But I digress, let me take a step back to tell you why I feel so strongly about this issue. I first became interested in suicide prevention a couple of years ago after my friend, my classmate, and my competition in everything from basketball to math class, killed himself. He made me get my first technical in basketball. He was pinching me, so I socked him.
What was I supposed to do? He was ALMOST my first kiss in a game of truth or dare but I ran away. He was my knight at prom, and he always gave the best hugs when I would come home to visit after moving from the village. When I received the news that he took his life I was so confused. He was one of the last people in the world that I ever thought would become a victim of suicide. He had a lot of friends and a wonderful family, was smart and, dare I say it, pretty decent looking.
I can't believe I just said that. He is probably blushing and giving himself a high five right now. He was in college and had so much going for him. He seemed really happy in life. I began asking myself all sorts of questions. Why did he do it? Why does anybody do it? What was he thinking? Was he thinking? How could a person who seemed so put together take their own life? I began doing research and reading about different symptom of why something like this occurs.
I learned that undiagnosed mental illnesses, lack of purpose in life, not enough daylight, not being able to balance a traditional lifestyle in a modern world, alcohol/drug use, and bullying are all symptoms of suicide. I read a lot of scholarly articles about suicide and suicide prevention but didn't find the answers I was looking for. I came across a lot of statistics and facts, such as 15 percent of those who are clinically depressed die by suicide, and suicide rates in the United States are highest in the spring, but no sound answers to my questions. I also discovered that there hasn't been a lot of research done on suicide, specifically in rural areas. Why is that?
There is a large amount of research and funding going into cancer and other illnesses, yet suicide, which was the 10th leading cause of death among Americans in 2010 according to the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention, doesn't even compare in terms of the amount of energy put into finding answers and a possible cure. I believe that it is because no one could put a label on suicide. What is suicide? Is it a result of an undiagnosed mental illness? Possibly. Does it occur because of a chemical imbalance? Maybe sometimes.
Is it an act out of confusion, loneliness, or the feeling of having no purpose or reason to live? Same answer, sometimes. That is the problem. Suicide can't be categorized. Therefore, it is hard to get funding from businesses to do research on it because they don't want to be associated with suicide. According to the Webster Dictionary, suicide is "the act of killing yourself because you do not want to continue living." That may be true in some cases, but definitely not in a large number of them.
I hear people say it is a selfish act. But is it? Maybe in some instances, but definitely not all the time. Is it selfish if someone was ill and felt like they were a burden to their family, so they killed themselves to help their loved ones? Or if they were in so much pain that it was unbearable? I don't think that is selfish.
What about when alcohol is involved? Which unfortunately it is on many occasions. A lot of people say if the person weren't drinking they wouldn't have killed themselves, that they weren't in the right state of mind. Yes they probably weren't in the right state of mind but the truth does come out when drinking. And you often do really dumb things that you normally wouldn't have done.
I won't dig deep in to this issue right now but I'll touch on something I really think is an issue in many rural communities. Teaching about abstinence. We have been teaching about abstinence for decades and ... news flash: IT IS NOT WORKING. Let me break it to you parents; your kids are probably drinking. I have seen 9-year-olds drunk! It is happening and is going to keep happening. People are going to drink. Period. Just like people are going to have sex. Period. But that is a whole different subject. (Babies are having babies! Clinics full of condoms that people are embarrassed to take. No sex-ed, I could go on and on.) Back to the point, teaching abstinence is not working. People will find ways to drink. So instead of teaching about never, ever drinking, let's give them options, and teach people how to do it responsibly if they chose to imbibe. It's okay to have a glass of wine (or two, who am I kidding) with a meal or when you are with your friends for a special occasion.
It's not okay to chug from a bottle or drink by yourself when you are stressed out or sad. And by all means, don't drink mouthwash! We must teach people that if they are to drink, don't drink to get hammered. Drink because a drink tastes good and you are with your loved ones. Then get up and dance!
As you can see, the reason people commit suicide is so diverse and in some instances unexplainable. That is why we need to bring awareness to the issue and have professionals do studies and conduct research. I realize that half of this letter is questions and pretty much all of them are unanswered, but we need to keep asking them so someone with the answers will come forward and we could prevent the next suicide from happening. However, trying to prevent suicide by talking about it is just a slice of the pie.
Life is worth living
My friend Scott, who created the Collateral Damage Project, enlightened me. He said my mission, along with his, shouldn't just be about suicide prevention, it should also be to show people that life is worth living. I love that! His words clicked and made so much sense to me. I want to show people that life is worth living and that we all have a purpose. I am a fairly positive and happy person, sometimes too happy if that is possible, but I just really, really love life! Two years ago I actually did a Happiness Project, to see if I could become even happier. Looking back at it, it is funny, but I don't think you can ever be too happy. There is always room for improvement. People often ask me why I am the way I am and why I smile so much. I guess I do smile a lot because the other day I had a lady tell me to smile a little less or I'd get wrinkles and crows feet! Too late. Those started forming three years ago and I love my laugh lines. As for "why I am the way I am," there are a lot of reasons and I plan on sharing them with as many people as possible.
I am currently going on a tour across North America, thanks to my dear friend Dave, and the first stop to Kugluktuk, Nunavut, Canada was life changing! The tour is called the Popping Bubbles Tour. No no no, I am not going across North America with cases of champagne and literally popping bubbles in the club.
I will leave that to Jay-Z and Kanye; they could really use the work. I call it the Popping Bubbles Tour because I believe we all live in our own little bubbles. Whether those bubbles are never leaving the village or your home, hanging out with only certain people or cliches, not trying a new food, not being open to different ethnicities, religions, ways of life, etc. I want to go around and pop them! I want to help people pop the bubbles that they are stuck in and live life to the utmost fullest. To get out of their comfort zone so we could better understand each other.
I think a big reason why suicide happens is that many people feel alone or they lack a purpose or a belonging. Or we bully and get bullied because we aren't used to or don't like being different from others. With Popping Bubbles I hope to help people step outside of their comfort zone and to accept differences. Then we can all belong in one ginormous world free of bubbles! Minus the bubble-bath bubbles because I really do enjoy those. Popping Bubbles' actual mission statement is to obtain a connection between people in remote communities around the world, to assist in bringing communities closer together and to break down the social bubbles that restrict people from accomplishing their personal goals that will lead to a successful and healthy life.
In the tour I also talk about and want kids and adults to dream big, set goals and reach those goals. I want people to have a reason to wake up in the morning and to be excited to leave their pillows. Sorry Folgers, but the best parting of waking up is no longer going to be your coffee in my cup! I love setting goals. Long term and short term goals. Whether that short term goal is to give your mom a hug, pile your grandma's wood for her, do your homework for an hour or two, eat an apple, thank your dad, or to take 10 minutes just for you and your sanity, do it. The feeling of checking something off your to-do list is such a great feeling.
For long-term goals, my advice is to do a little bit every day to help you get to your goal. If you want to be a lawyer, read a book. If you want to be a doctor, go stitch up your sister ... I'm kidding! But do what you have to do to get a little bit better at a task that you must perfect in order to reach it. Your goal doesn't have to be about work either. It can be to lower your blood pressure or lose a couple of pounds so you can play with your grandkids. Your goal can be to play or read a book to your daughter, so then when she is 25 she will say, "Thank you mom. You are the best mom in the world!" And you will be if you make it your goal to be the best mom ever. Whatever your goal may be, work towards it just a little every day and trust me, you will feel better.
I recently read Dick Van Dyke's book; he is one of my role models alongside my grandma, mom, dad and Betty White. He mentions a quote that he believes in and that I now live by. Here it is, "You need three things in life in order to be happy: something to do, something to love, and something to hope for." Isn't that great! I try to incorporate that into my Popping Bubbles Tour because it is so simple, yet so true.
Everything I mention above fits into that simple quote. Think about it. You need something to do so you aren't bored; so you can get your hands dirty and be proud of your accomplishments. So you can feel a sense of purpose. You need something to love because what is life without love and passion? Love a lot!
Loving to hope, living to speak out
When you are on your death bed I guarantee you won't be talking about all the money you've made, about if you were prom king or queen, or about how pretty you looked in your prime. You will be talking about memories you made with your loved ones and the love you had for this and that. Love is so beautiful! Finally, you need something to hope for. It is fun to make wishes, to hope for them to come true and then to have them come true. And you have to have some faith and desire, faith that people are good, and a desire to be one of those people. I Do Love to Hope!
Saying all that, I am now going to go climb a mountain backwards and break the record for running the fastest mile ever with a cage of rats on my head. My friend attempted it and I know I can beat him! I am pumped and feel inspired and ready to take life by the horns. I really hope you do too, or are now encouraged that life will get better, because it will! In closing, I want to get personal and share my short and long term goals with you.
That is another little tip. Tell someone your goals so you have someone to hold you accountable. I tell my goals to a lot of people so that way when I get distracted, which is often ... squirrel!! ... I have someone to get me back on track.
Here are my goals. My goal for the day was to call my sisters (check), to take a shower (fail ... that's okay, there is always tomorrow), and to buy a brush (check). I figure the last two goals will help with my love life, providing I don't lose the brush. On a more serious note, my long-term goal is to put an end to suicide. Writing this article will hopefully bring us one step closer to ending it. If anyone out there wants to help me reach my long term goal, reach out to me. The more the merrier!
I never know how to end letters eloquently, and don't like to say goodbye, so I will simply say thank you so much for taking the time to read this novel. I hope it got you thinking and talking about suicide and that you will speak up and do something about it. We must. Have a great day!
Ariel Tweto is from Unalakleet.
The preceding commentary was first published in The Arctic Sounder and is republished here with permission. The views expressed here are the writer's own and are not necessarily endorsed by Alaska Dispatch, which welcomes a broad range of viewpoints. To submit a piece for consideration, e-mail commentary(at)alaskadispatch.com.