Alaska News

Lynne Curry: When the bully is the boss; job hunting while pregnant

Q: I work in human resources and am supposed to fix problems -- unfortunately, one of them is our company's general manager. He's a bully and doesn't know it and wouldn't believe it if I told him. He is, however, the biggest problem in our company. How do I tell him so he believes it and without getting fired?

A: Manager bullies rarely see themselves as bullies. Instead, they see others as the problem and make statements such as "you've got to kick people to get them going."

Bully managers live in a feedback vacuum because peers don't call them on their behavior and subordinates don't voice concerns, fearing they'll be fired.

If you want to convince him without throwing yourself or others under the bus, convince him to pilot a 360 review of all managers in which employees anonymously give comments on each manager's leadership, communication and decision-making style. Even bully managers value information.

Then ask every employee to submit views concerning your GM and other key managers. Protect confidentiality by using an anonymous gathering system and then further stripping any information that might reveal who gave it. Neutrally gathered information offers you your best opportunity for convincing your GM he has things to learn.

Q: I just found out I'm almost three months pregnant with my second child and it couldn't have come at a worse time. I was laid off three weeks ago and have been searching for a job ever since.

I'm worried about confessing my pregnancy before I'm hired. Assuming I'm hired, when is it safe to spring the news on my boss that I'm pregnant? Ideally, I'd like to wait until I'm past the probationary period but figure I'll start looking pregnant in another five weeks so unless I'm hired this week, I'll still be in my first month.

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When I break the news, can I just say I didn't mention it because I was worried about losing out on a job offer? I don't intend taking off more time than I did with my first child and that was less than three weeks. Can an employer fire me for not telling them I'm pregnant during the hiring process?

A: Although employers can fire you for lying during the hiring process, they can't fire you for hiding your pregnancy as any questions on that topic would constitute illegal discrimination.

An employer who discovers your pregnancy soon after hiring you may feel you hid the truth. You can explain you were scared, leading them to question your integrity.

While they can't fire you, you then wind up working for an employer who wonders what else you'll hide. In the same way a bad marriage proves worse than single life, a bad employer/employee relationship can make you long for unemployment.

As you suspect, if you mention your pregnancy, a warm interview can cool and a prospective job offer evaporate. At the same time, if you take a risk, you can also win the right employer. What if you said, "I want to be upfront about my pregnancy. I know I could hide it but that's not how I'm made. If you hire me, I'll never let you down and I'll work rings around any other employee. I'll work during maternity leave and dedicate myself to making sure you never regret you looked past the three weeks I'll need off to the great long-term employee you can hire."

Disclosing the truth demonstrates integrity. Because so many interviewees shade the truth, honest applicants stand out in a positive way. If this type of statement doesn't work, you risk less than you fear -- your pregnancy news keeps you from working for an employer who later regrets hiring you under false pretenses. You also increase your odds of being hired by an employer open to hiring a pregnant applicant who deserves the opportunity to prove herself a great hire.

Lynne Curry | Alaska Workplace

Lynne Curry writes a weekly column on workplace issues. She is author of “Navigating Conflict,” “Managing for Accountability,” “Beating the Workplace Bully" and “Solutions,” and workplacecoachblog.com. Submit questions at workplacecoachblog.com/ask-a-coach/ or follow her on workplacecoachblog.com, lynnecurryauthor.com or @lynnecurry10 on X/Twitter.

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