Vacation means more than escaping the daily grind. It's also time for escapist reading. No one wants to spend evenings at the casita poring over somber tomes about impending ecological collapse, the roots of contemporary terrorism or the horrors of recent wars while sitting under the porch light with a drink and a bug zapper. This is the time for genre fiction: murder mysteries, action thrillers, horror tinglers, sci-fi and such. The only requirements are that vacation books be entertaining, the chapters short, the plots easy to follow, and that the authors ask as little of readers' minds as possible.
Aleutian Grave
By William Doonan; 2014 e-book; Amazon Kindle price: $4.99.
"Aleutian Grave" is the fourth installment in the Henry Grave series by William Doonan, although one needn't have read the previous volumes to fall right into this one. The schtick in this series is that Grave is an 85-year-old World War II vet who sat out most of the conflict in a Nazi prisoner of war camp, came home to become a detective, and in his less-than-doting old age is now contracted to resolve murders aboard cruise liners. In the broad spectrum of mystery fiction, this series falls well into the light-hearted end. The murder is just an excuse for the frequently humorous interaction between the cantankerous hero and a lot of disturbed people.
This story opens with Grave coming aboard a ship that set sail from Anchorage for the Aleutians. A female employee named Rose DaSilva who had arrived three months earlier and promptly slept her way through a good portion of the crew has been found not just gruesomely murdered, but also partially eaten. Since the ship had crossed from American to Russian waters and the time of the killing is unclear, jurisdiction is split between Grave and a Russian investigator who introduces our hero to beet liquor on his way to proving himself a worthy ally.
Suspects abound, of course, including an anthropologist lecturer who specializes in Native mystical experiences, a surly bartender, a potently jealous cabin mate, a ravenous chef, and even the ship's captain, who had found himself bedded and dumped by DaSilva. It isn't long, meanwhile, before the ship loses power. Part of the crew makes a run for it, another cannibalized corpse shows up and the need for rapidly capturing the killer becomes desperate.
Grave, however, is on the job, describing his approach this way: "Think you have rights at sea? Think again. Do I need to read you some kind of warning before I question you? I do not. Do I need a warrant to read your personnel file, access your e-mail, or enter your cabin? Guess again. I am a one-man law-enforcement bureau, and I always get my man." He also has a gun and an endless reserve of wisecracks, as well as an eye for the young ladies, meaning any who happen to under the age of seventy-five.
It's pure fluff, but it's well-composed fluff from an author whose day job is anthropology professor. This means Doonan throws in some reasonably factual local lore, although he does take liberties with it. By book's end readers will encounter shamanism, the effects of hallucinogenic plants, a windigo, a handful of plot twists (but not so many as to boggle the attention span) and some finely crafted characters. "Aleutian Grave" won't be winning any literary awards, but it's a lot of fun, and for a vacation book, that's all that's required.
The Inside Passage
By Pendelton C. Wallace; 2014 e-book; Amazon Kindle price: $2.99.
Finely crafted characters are exactly what's missing from "The Inside Passage," the first volume in the Ted Higuera thriller series by Pendelton Wallace, although there are little thrills to be had. This one involves the world's largest cruise ship, which is making its maiden voyage north toward Alaska, filled with politicians, celebrities and the idle rich. It's a slow-moving duck for a small Middle Eastern terrorist cell planning the next 9/11.
Hijacking the terror plot are recent college graduate Higuera, his roommate Chris, and Chris' girlfriend Meagan, who are sailing the Passage on a summer adventure when they stumble on the plot and perpetrators.
It's a convoluted saga dragged down by the fact that the only character worthy of sympathy is an Islamic fundamentalist named Ahmad, who's one of the bad guys. Wallace spends so much of the book turgidly detailing our heroes' bratty interactions with each other that long before the action finally gets underway, readers will start hoping the terrorists will win. That takes some doing.
Part of the problem is the primary character. Higuera supposedly grew up in the barrio and escaped on a college football scholarship, but apart from periodically cursing in Spanish and repeatedly exclaiming "They don't have anything like this in East L.A.," he could be any middle class white boy from the suburbs. Chris and Meagan, meanwhile, are just insipid. Additionally, the trio's dialogue sounds like something out of a 1960s Marvel Comic, with endless bickering, constant cliches, "dude" the default pronoun, and enough dropped gerunds to put a Palin family reunion to shame.
The cast is rounded out with Muslims, fishermen, a Scot, a Frenchman, and various rich people, all of them complete stereotypes.
The text isn't any better. For example, when the heroine is introduced early on, we learn, "Meagan was pretty enough, with blue eyes and perky blonde hair. Her short, low-cut dress was skankalicious, great for a night on the town." At least this is an e-book. No trees died for that passage.
Eventually there's some action, but not enough salvage this shipwreck.
Vacation books can be forgiven for many shortcomings, but tedium isn't one of them. Your vacation deserves better than that.
David A. James is a Fairbanks-based writer and critic.