Dear Wayne and Wanda,
My and my boyfriend have been together for just over two years now, and we live together. Things are very serious, and those are his words. I'm ready to take what we have to the next level. I'm ready to start planning a wedding and it's not because of spring fever. It's because I know he's the one for me, and he says I'm the one for him. How exactly should I go about letting him know I'm ready when he isn't yet?
Wanda says:
Your enthusiasm is awesome, but before you start pinning dream wedding ideas to a public Pinterest board, have a private conversation with your partner and make sure you're on the same page. At varying points in our lives, it's easy to gaze at the person across from us and profess that they are the one.
But there are some pretty major conversations that, ideally, should precede a proposal, or even come before a tentative mutual agreement to aim for the altar. For example, do you agree on whether to have kids? And if so, how many? How important is religion to you both? Do you both plan to live in Alaska or would you want to move? How are your career goals compatible? And how would you handle finances once you're married? Do either of you have any big debts or other money hurdles that would need to be cleared before a wedding?
And then there are larger, philosophical questions. For example, are you both committed to being faithful to each other -- however you define that -- for the rest of your lives? And for that matter, in a day of more open marriages and "monogamish" couplings, do you agree on what being faithful means?
These are tough conversations but essential to starting your future off on the right track.
Wayne says:
You forgot a question, Wanda: Can you stand, or at least tolerate, one another's parents?
I'm hoping that over the past two years, you all have chipped away at Wanda's Foolproof Compatibility Quiz. I'm also hoping that after two years, you feel comfortable enough looking your "very serious" boyfriend in the eyes and saying, "It's been two years. We agree we're each other's 'one.' Let's get married already!"
He's talking a pretty big game and throwing up some pretty big signs. But dudes drag their feet -- it's what we do. Who knows, he might even have a ring in his underwear drawer and a little scheme for popping the question down the road. But if you're antsy and genuine, I think you're perfectly within your right at this point to go ahead and have the talk with him.
Good luck, you crazy kids.
Wanda is a wise person who has loved, lost and been to therapy. Wayne is a wise guy who has no use for therapy. Send them your questions and thoughts at wanda@alaskadispatch.com.