Comedian Mitch Hedberg once joked: "They say that the recipe for Sprite is lemon and lime, but I tried to make it at home, and there's more to it than that."
I thought of Sprite and other things that should probably not be attempted at home last Sunday as I stood over my kitchen sink stirring a jar of warm, congealed chia seed mass in a bowl full of ice. Congeal faster! I thought. I need my homemade energy gel to be done so I can run!
If that sounds disgusting to you, you're not alone. It sounds gross to me too and it was also gross five miles in, then 10, and especially after 20 miles. Unfortunately, like every other runner or would-be runner I know, I read Christopher McDougall's "Born to Run" about a reclusive Mexican tribe of ultra-runners who ate magic superfoods and then ran unbelievable distances. After reading the book, not only did I immediately go to REI to buy five-finger "barefoot" running shoes (the preferred outfitter of the Tarahumara tribe, I explained to sneering friends), but I also bought a 2-pound bag of chia seeds at Costco. Chia, you see, is one of the superfoods the Tarahumara consumed to fuel their gravity-defying canyon runs. I figured if I ate chia too, I'd be less like a thudding, hydration-fanny-pack wearing, grunting wildebeest and more like a tan, sleek, barefoot trail runner.
I read that book four years ago. Two years ago I gave away my barefoot shoes. The bag of chia seeds is still nearly full. I still thud along the trail, the water bottle in my fanny pack sloshing behind me the whole way. I am not, in case anyone was wondering, tan.
Making my own
Still, sometimes I have a wish to run more naturally. No, not naked, although I hear that is a thing. I just want to eat better foods. I can't tell you how many fistfuls of gels, chomps, goops, and chews I've stuffed in my face during long runs. Probably enough that if someone took a hair sample at least a percentage of me would belong to Clif Bar.
I've been trying to make the kinds of high-energy food they sell in stores at home in my humble kitchen. I am no chef. I am armed only with Google, a slowly dying food processor, and a wish to power my outdoors adventures with more whole foods. There are so many food products marketed to people exactly like me – such as chocolate-coated kale crunchies flecked with almonds, sea salt, and quinoa dust. Part of me is amazed, if slightly unnerved, by the tailored marketing, but the other part of me recognizes that these products have a very long ingredient list of things I can't pronounce. This makes them about as natural as, well, Sprite.
This is what led me to my kitchen last weekend stirring a globby mass of gel. Yes, I found that recipe on the Internet. No, I will not be trying it again.
But here are several recipes I will return to, and if you're feeling brave and bold some morning, you can too.
Gorp
What I love about Gorp is the name: Good Old Raisins & Peanuts.
Of course, this being 2015 we can chop candy bars into little pieces and add those in, too. Yogurt and chocolate covered pretzels are the best part of living in the 21st century, if you ask me -- add them, too. And why stick with peanuts? Macadamia nuts, cashews, and almonds should be in your gorp. Some people add cereal, which I think is a lot of fluff for little caloric return, but to each his own. I am a big fan of dried cranberries.
Gorp is one of those magical foods to have along for friendly hikes or longer backpacking trips. I know it's not supposed to be a contest for who has the best snacks -- but it is kind of a contest for who has the best snacks. By perfecting your personal gorp recipe and bringing along a gallon plastic bag of it, you have the power to vastly improve everyone's outdoors experience and, of course, to win at hiking.
Homemade Larabars
If I'm going to buy a bar I know is good for me, I buy a Larabar. There are few ingredients. I can pronounce all of them. And better yet, if I'm feeling thrifty and semi-motivated, I can even make them at home.
You need a food processor, dried fruit, and nuts. I like to use medjool dates (available in bulk at Costco) or dried apricots as a base, since they have higher moisture content, and then I may also add in dried cherries, cranberries, blueberries, etc. The ratio of fruit to nut is 1:1, so typically one cup of each. I first grind up the nuts in the food processor, adding in spices (cinnamon, cocoa powder, salt are some ideas), and then the fruit last. If needed, I will add in a little water or even coconut oil until everything comes together. It should, by the way, stick together--that's the idea of the bar, which I usually skip. I just form everything into balls, wrap them in foil, and stick them in the freezer until I want one.
Do they look pretty? No. I will not be adding photos of Lara-balls to my Pinterest page anytime soon. Are they delicious? Of course.
Homemade granola bars
This is the tastiest homemade granola bar recipe I know: http://ohsheglows.com/2014/05/20/feel-good-hearty-granola-bars/. My friend makes a slightly modified version (adding almond extract in addition to vanilla), which has fueled many of her skis, hikes, runs, and emergency breakfasts this winter. I recall sitting in her car slowly munching on one of these bars, stored conveniently in a massive zip lock bag, thinking about my life, my friends, and how delightful these things plus chocolate are.
If I don't have time to cook, or just feel like picking something up that is easy and delicious, I have to say my go-to hiking snack is peanut M&Ms. For long-distance running, I usually have pitted medjool dates and almonds in a plastic bag. If I am really going all out gel 'n chomp, I like Hammergel's Espresso flavor, and I really (really) like the margarita-with-salt flavor of Clif Shot Bloks. Perhaps it's the salty, chewy texture, or the vaguely boozy flavor, but there are actually some products that are too special to try and replicate at home. Unfortunately, my homemade running gel, probably like Mitch Hedberg's homemade Sprite, is now fueling only the trash can.
Alli Harvey lives, works and plays in Anchorage.