Alaska News

Lynne Curry: Fizzled romance, humming co-worker

Q: I'm the project lead for our department and single. As lead, I sometimes have to make hard calls in terms of who gets leave and who doesn't when two employees both ask for the same day off. I also give input into my co-workers' performance reviews. I've always followed a rule -- don't telegraph an interest in any of my co-workers.

A year ago, a tall, nice-looking single man took a job here. We quickly became office "best friends." I knew I was taking a risk but his face lit up when I came into his work area and, since I was between guy friends, the positive vibe I got from him felt great.

He was friendly with everyone else too and so was I. Still, things progressed and our time together became important to me. I had the sense that if he wasn't working here, he'd have asked me out.

Then, he got cross-wise with our boss and gave notice. After that, he asked me if he could have a day off during his last two weeks to do something special and I had to say no, as his resignation was leaving us short-staffed as it was. Also, he was a procrastinator and so he was behind in all his projects, and giving him a day off would have put two other employees into an undeserved tailspin.

He then left without any notice. Should I have handled this differently?

A: Departing employees react in many ways. Some mentally check out and make thoughtless errors. Others leave their workload nicely buttoned up so their successor can hit the ground running. Still others burn bridges. Often, these "burners" create problems so they can say, "Ha! I was so right when I decided to quit."

Your departing co-worker may have had tunnel vision when he made his request, thinking only of his needs and not your organization or his soon-to-be former co-workers' interests. As your office "best friend," he may have expected special treatment from you.

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You did the right thing by evaluating the entire situation and making the best judgment call you could. You're second-guessing yourself because he left you "holding the bag" in both a work sense and emotionally. You can get over your hurt as soon as you realize what his actions reveal about him. He left you and others with unfinished projects and absolutely no notice. You potentially dodged a bullet.

Q: My office mate hums every so often. It's really annoying and totally breaks my concentration. It's not like she hums a tune, she just does a little hum when she stands up, sits down or hangs up the phone.

I've mentioned this to her several times and she always looks at me like I'm out of my mind and says, "I had no idea, are you sure?" Last week she told me to bring it to her attention when she started humming, and I've done it several dozen times, and now she's annoyed with me.

Is her humming a sign of mental illness? Do I need to be worried?

A: Although individuals with autism or schizophrenia hum as a way of coping with stress, others who hum do it as a coping mechanism. Like your office mate, they generally don't realize it.

Humming creates sound waves that vibrate and stimulate the production of nitric oxide, which triggers an immune response, regulates blood pressure and creates positive mood changes. Those who share an office with hummers find it annoying or creepy.

Even though she asked you to bring it to her attention, she may now believe you're being too sensitive. Your best defense may be to do what bed partners of snorers do and tape her humming. Once she realizes what she sounds like, and that she's really humming, she may be able to break her unconscious habit.

Whatever you do, play nice and don't start humming in retaliation.

Lynne Curry | Alaska Workplace

Lynne Curry writes a weekly column on workplace issues. She is author of “Navigating Conflict,” “Managing for Accountability,” “Beating the Workplace Bully" and “Solutions,” and workplacecoachblog.com. Submit questions at workplacecoachblog.com/ask-a-coach/ or follow her on workplacecoachblog.com, lynnecurryauthor.com or @lynnecurry10 on X/Twitter.

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