Alaska News

Remembering Alaskans' generous lives

HAINES -- When my editor at the Chilkat Valley News, winner of the Alaska Press Club's best small newspaper in Alaska award, called to see how I was doing with the last of three recent obituaries, I said I was waiting on some information from the family and may not have it for that week's paper. Then Tom grumbled and asked if he should "lean on them" to help me write it on time.

This is not always the best approach with tender subjects like a death of a loved one.

But I gave Tom a pass on his brusqueness. He gives all he has to keeping our town's leaders honest and citizens well informed, and in return earns a lot of grief. He's not becoming any richer, either.

Then Tom asked if the subject of the obituary was generous. I said I didn't know. "If she didn't give anything to anyone except her family, she gets five graphs, tops. That's it," he said and hung up.

'A real lady'

I thought about that, and about what I look for in any obituary, and why I choose what I do to fill the limited space Tom provides. There is always a memorable detail — and while I never named it before as Tom just had, he is right. It often has something to do with generosity and relationships.

The first of the three obituaries was for Vinca Gilman, 85. Vinca had Old World ways. Or as one friend put it, "She was a real lady." Vinca was born in Denmark, lived in California for years, and retired to Haines with her partner Mike and a big black-and-white Great Dane named Lars some 20 years ago.

Everyone in town knew Vinca had something to do with the Haines Animal Rescue Kennel, but she was a private person who preferred to work behind the scenes. I called up Chuck who used to be on the kennel's board, figuring he'd know more.

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After someone dies, things they may not have wanted in the paper while they were living are often shared.

Chuck said that at the first animal shelter organizational meeting, Vinca "plunked down a check for twenty-five grand." Chuck also praised Vinca for teaching him by example how to be a better animal rescue board member. He is a former logger, rides a motorcycle, and is an EMT. "I can be outspoken, and so Vinca was a good foil for me. I'd sit across from her, and she was so gracious that I wanted to please her, make her proud," Chuck said.

When Rhona Nelson, the former Material Girls fabric shop owner, died suddenly of a heart attack at 70, her best friend Cheryl was devastated. Rhona was such a good friend that when Cheryl divorced, Rhona invited her to stay at her small house until she got back on her feet. They lived together for two years.

Even if Tom hadn't asked about generosity, I knew what Donna told me would survive his edits. She called to say that she hadn't known Rhona well, but had a good story about her. Donna was in Material Girls selecting fabric for a banner she was sewing for the Presbyterian Church, and asked Rhona what it would cost. " 'I don't go to church, but you can just have it, no charge,' " Donna said.

'Was she generous?'

I'm still thinking about how the final obituary of the three unfolded. That's the one Tom was grousing about. Judy Berry, 76, had been a young widow and owned the grocery store when I first moved to Haines about 30 years ago. I know her local sons, grandchildren and a niece, but Judy sold the store and moved to Oregon before Vinca and her Great Dane arrived or Rhona opened her fabric shop. It had been a long time since she'd lived here. I did remember the bright pink Christmas tree in her apartment window above the store and so did others. "She loved Christmastime," her son said. I wrote that down even though I imagined Tom hollering, "So?"

A fine life doesn't have to have some grand, or even pretty good, gesture that defines it, does it? It's plenty to live to three score and 10 and be remembered fondly by the people dearest to you, as Rhona's stepsister told me, isn't it? There is no harm in a short, plain obituary. However, I still needed at least one more source, so I talked to Judy's niece. Mary Jane said she adored her aunt. "Was she generous?" I asked.

"She really cared about children. Not just hers. But us, the neighbor kids. She would take my brother and me out to look at the stars and explain things to us. Anything we wanted to know." I will remember that generous comment for a long time.

You know, I bet Tom and I can agree with novelist Marilynne Robinson, who said, "There isn't any necessary relation between the scope of one's mind and where they live." Because I write obituaries for his paper in Haines, I also know the same is true about the scope of one's heart.

Haines author Heather Lende's third book, "Find the Good," was published this year. For more, check her blog or Facebook page.

Heather Lende

Heather Lende is the author of "If You Lived Here, I'd Know Your Name: News From Small-Town Alaska." To contact Heather or read her new blog, The News From Small-Town Alaska, visit www.heatherlende.com.

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