Film & TV

Reality Check: Barrow makes its final play in 'Football Town' as 'Alaskan Bush People' season gets started

"Football Town: Barrow Alaska" continues to tug at m'heart strings. The football is terrible. Rarely are the games even close, and typically the blow-outs are so big that they make you cringe. Example: Seward (50-0), Valdez (65-0) and Marion Catholic (62-0). But for me, the difference between good football and terrible football is like the difference between good pizza and bad pizza: insignificant.

You don't watch "Football Town" for the football. The finale aired on Tuesday night when the Barrow Whalers took on Nikiski in the state semifinals. They lost (18-41), and the coach got choked up and made an adorable, television-worthy speech about how proud of the team he was.

The seniors were sad and nostalgic, realizing that it was their last football game and contemplating the rest of their lives. There was only a three-week turnaround from last game to Tuesday's finale, and I wondered if the cast was watching the show air during their season. I assume they were -- in the first episode it didn't look like any fans were at their games, some of the players needed haircuts, and there wasn't a big buzz around the school. By the last episode, there were fresh haircuts, the parents of one player had sparkly "Barrow Whalers Mom" and "Barrow Whalers Dad" shirts, and there were school pep rallies.

I don't know if this show will get a second season, but it was a rarity in the Alaska programming. Who knew television could make us feel the feelings without exploiting the cast and manipulating the storyline?

As one season ends, another begins. But instead of inspiring, eloquent high schoolers uniting across cultural lines to accomplish a goal bigger than themselves, we've got the absurd antics of the inhabitants of Browntown. You guessed it -- "Alaskan Bush People" is back for season four. Somehow this cray cray show is one of Discovery Channel's top-rated programs, and they can't film this stuff fast enough.

I'm mostly excited because it's so fun and easy to write about the trials and tribulations of the Browns. Here are my top four predictions for this season without having seen a trailer.

1. Snowbird (the eldest Brown daughter, in her 20s and still plays with dolls) and Merry Christmas Catherine Raindrop (legit. That's her name. She's the youngest Brown) find old, handheld CD players and become obsessed with Taylor Swift's 1989 and get really into red lipstick.

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2. The Brown's never-ending legal troubles are featured as way to keep the reality program in touch with true reality. As I've said before, there is nothing worse than a reality show that becomes famous and refuses to acknowledge the public scrutiny the cast is under (think late seasons of "Jersey Shore").

3. Seeing how much the audience (and by audience I mean me, since at this point I'm the world's leading scholar on "Alaskan Bush People") loves when the Browns interact with the outside world, especially the ladies, we'll see more unsuccessful dating attempts. Look out Hoonah, they're coming for you.

4. Bear (who likes to run everywhere he goes and climb trees as though he was an animal) accidentally falls out of a tree and has to be taken to the hospital by the production crew. And everyone takes a drink for producer interference with an Alaska Reality TV Show.

Season four of "Alaskan Bush People" airs at 8 p.m. Nov. 11.

In conclusion, someone give me one million dollars so I can make "Battle of the Alaska Reality TV Stars."

Emily Fehrenbacher lives in Anchorage, where she reviews Alaska reality TV. You can reach her at realitycheck@alaskadispatch.com or on Twitter @ETFBacher.

Emily Fehrenbacher

Emily Fehrenbacher lives in Anchorage and writes "Reality Check," a regular look at reality television set in Alaska.

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