Q: After three years of working for a controlling tyrant, I finally quit. I'm now in danger of losing my new job. It turns out I'm not free from my former boss's reach.
He wrote a scathing email to my new boss after she hired me. Apparently, they served together on a nonprofit board. He told her she made a terrible mistake and that she'd regret hiring me. I learned this when my new boss told me she needed to ask me about several accusations he'd made. By the time she'd finished interviewing me and told me she'd let me prove myself, I was shaking.
Now, whenever my boss asks me if I've completed a project, I say "yes," even if I haven't even started it. I keep thinking she'll decide she made a hiring mistake. She's told me several times I need to stop being defensive, she's just asking me questions, but that's easier said than done. I need help.
A: Individuals who work in problem situations for extended periods of time carry baggage with them to future jobs. Your former boss compounded this problem when he reached into your current job with allegations.
How do you drop this baggage? You drop it. Force yourself to think, "That was then, this is now." When your boss asks, "Have you got that done?" she's asking a question, not issuing an indictment. If you've finished it, you can answer "yes," but if not, you need to answer, "Not yet, I'm working on it" or, "It's next on my list." When you answer "yes" when the real answer is "no," you erode the trust you want to create between you and your boss.
If you respond defensively to other communications from your boss, you'll put a wall between the two of you. Train yourself to ask clarifying questions whenever she makes comments you perceive as overbearing or critical. Not only will that give you a chance to hear what she really intends to say, but it will give her the sense that you're opening up.
She's giving you a chance. Take it.
Q: My husband works for a state agency. When the agency decided against having alcohol at their Christmas party, several employees felt it wasn't a party without alcohol. One of them rented a nearby site and sent out invitations to the "office Christmas party" via the office email. The invitations asked employees to bring a pot luck dish and drinks, including alcohol.
Two days before the party, the employee who sent out the invitations and rented the site sent an email to my husband telling him that he and I weren't welcome to attend and that it was "a private party." This was despite the fact that the email billed it as "the office Christmas party."
I feel my husband is being ostracized by a co-worker from office-related functions with the imprimatur of his supervisor. Since this is a state agency, is this legal? Shouldn't his supervisor tell him that if he's hosting the "office Christmas party," he needs to invite "the office?"
A: According to HR consultant Karen Casanovas, "Some departments within the state of Alaska have governing policies that fall under the Department of Administration regulatory and statutory umbrella that may apply to parties and other social events. As these are specific to each department, your husband should check with his supervisor and ask what regulations apply. He can also review the Alaska Executive Branch Ethics Act (AS 39.52).
"Every state public officer, employee or board or commissioner member also has a designated ethics supervisor who can also provide guidance for you and your husband's question. If this doesn't give you the answers you seek, you can review the Department of Law's ethics introduction on the state website, or contact the state ombudsman's office, at http://ombud.alaska.gov/contacts.php," Casanovas adds.
Regulations aside, would you want to attend any party where you're not welcome?
Lynne Curry writes a weekly column on workplace issues. She is author of "Solutions" and "Beating the Workplace Bully" and owner of the management/HR consulting/training firm The Growth Company Inc. Send your questions to her at lynne@thegrowthcompany.com. Follow her on Twitter @lynnecurry10, at www.workplacecoachblog.com or at her new site www.bullywhisperer.com.