Culture

Wayne and Wanda: When it comes to labeling relationships, 'it's complicated'

Titles, labels, relationship statuses on social media -- just words or worth all the worry and weight? Readers often raise questions about relationship statuses and how we advertise or hide them in public. Here's how Wanda and Wayne weighed in.

Dear Wayne and Wanda,

My fiancée is a waitress at a popular Anchorage restaurant and bar. When she works, she takes her engagement ring off. I think this is a sign that she is keeping her options open. She says without it, she gets better tips. I think that's crap. If we're engaged, she should wear the ring, right?

Wanda says:

Fact: If your fiancée wants to be unfaithful, a ring won't stop her from cheating. Fact: If someone wants to hit on your fiancée, a ring won't stop him from doing so. Fact: Lots of waiters and bartenders claim losing the ring leads to better gratuity. Fact: Lots of waiters and bartenders actually wear rings to deter flirtatious patrons.

Fact: While it's unclear whether your lady's intentions are sincerely strategic or salacious, greater insecurities are in play here if the mere absence of a ring causes you to question her loyalty.

Wayne says:

Fiction: An engagement ring is a strong repellent to creeps, charmers and Casanovas. Fiction: Servers have it easy and get the big bucks. Fiction: Communication and compromise aren't important in relationships. Fiction: You two lovebirds are going to be just fine.

Fiction: Relationships are a walk in the park. Simmering jealousy and conflict are just little bumps in the road. And if you keep pressing her hard enough, she'll finally see it your way.

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Dear Wayne and Wanda,

My partner and I recently agreed to be exclusive. I changed my Facebook status to "in a relationship." His still says "it's complicated." He refuses to update it. WTH?

Wanda says:

If you were my Facebook friend, you wouldn't have a clue whether I was single, in a relationship or in a complicated relationship. Too many of my "friends" are professional contacts and distant relatives, and -- call me old-fashioned -- but I enjoy a degree of privacy.

You know who does know when I'm seeing someone special? My close friends and family. And not because of a status update, but because I share this with them personally. If your partner isn't telling people dear to him about your relationship at all, then there's your real red flag.

Wayne says:

And that is why I call her Wise Wanda! Look, we all use social media in different ways -- some share their every thought every minute of the day, others use it to see pictures of their grandkids living thousands of miles away, others just sit in the background and account and take it all in. And believe it or not, many people who use social media aren't exactly SM savvy.

This could be a tiny online oversight or total ignorance on his part. You could privately message him about it or you could put the texting device down for a few minutes and have a face-to-face conversation. Explain why you are upset. And add that if he isn't proud to be in a relationship with you, it's about to get real complicated up in here.

Dear Wayne and Wanda,

I recently introduced my boyfriend to some friends as "my boyfriend" and he freaked. He said we hadn't even talked about it and I was jumping to conclusions by calling him that. We spend every night together, we practically live together, we say we love each other, we're exclusive -- but he doesn't think he's my boyfriend? What am I missing? His reaction really hurt my feelings.

Wanda says:

If it looks like a boyfriend and talks like a boyfriend and walks like a boyfriend, it's a boyfriend. Give him time. Titles can be scary. He'll come around.

Wayne says:

Cut! You might want to practice lines like that with your co-star before reciting them in front of an audience. That's a pretty big word to use off-script, especially when you're working with a sensitive artist.

Want to respond to a recent column, point out a dating trend, or ask Wanda and Wayne for wisdom regarding your love life? Give them a shout at wanda@alaskadispatch.com.

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