Q: My boss figured out I was job hunting during the work day. I don't know how he discovered this as he's normally clueless. I think someone ratted me out.
I was afraid he was going to fire me on the spot, but he told me he was going to "take pity" on me and give me two weeks' notice. I think he's just keeping me around until he hires my replacement.
I feel totally uncomfortable because I'm not sure who blew the whistle on me or who to trust. And it's hard to concentrate now that I know I'm about to be without a job. Is there anything I can do to get him to relent? I thought of reminding him that lots of people look for jobs while they have one and letting him know I wouldn't do it again. I also want to know who told on me.
A: Relent as in keep you employed at a job you planned to leave?
Your boss has his own plan for making sure you don't do it again; he's fired you. I wouldn't advocate telling him that others also job hunt during their work day. That "everyone does it" line didn't work when you were 5 and tried it on your mom.
Job hunting during work hours constitutes time theft. Not only that, but when your work day focus drifts from handling job duties to landing your next gig, you generally achieve substandard results. The net effect? You end your job on a sour note. Even if this doesn't harm your ability to get your next job, you might need your current supervisor's reference for your next next job.
Further, you damage your chances for getting a job. Prospective employers notice when you email resumes during regular work hours or send resumes in envelopes with postage meter stamps likely paid for by your current employer.
Finally, did you print your resume on the printer and leave a copy there? Email multiple cover letters and resumes from your work computer? Delete your current employer's information from your LinkedIn profile so you appeared more of a free agent? Run into the hallway once too often to conduct a phone interview? Suddenly upgrade how you dress? In other words, you may have told on you.
Q: Recently one of my employees began to argue with me and another employee in a staff meeting. When I told him to stop, he argued more loudly and it became an awful scene. We both wound up yelling. What should I have done instead?
A: If one of your employees raises an opinion contrary to yours in a meeting, defuse potential conflict by asking him questions to understand his views. Once he's explained himself, summarize what he's said and then outline the reasons you've decided on an alternative view.
If he then voices an additional perspective that has merit, again listen to him. If he instead argues, say, "You and I'll take this offline after the meeting." If he persists in arguing, say, "Offline just started. Could the rest of you leave us?" By letting everyone else leave, you spare them the conflict. You can then resume the staff meeting, with or without this employee.
Q: I was badly bullied in my last job and know I need counseling. I keep reaching out and making appointments with counselors and then, at the last minute, I decide not to go. Sometimes I call and cancel the appointments. Sometimes I just pretend I forgot and when they call me, I say that I've made other arrangements. Am I crazy?
A: You're suffering. You want to get help but you're afraid to pull the scab off a wound that hasn't healed. Fear triggers many defense reasons.
Severe bullying can create post-traumatic stress disorder. People who have PTSD may feel frightened even when not in danger. If you can, make and keep an appointment. An effective counselor can help you get through this.
Lynne Curry writes a weekly column on workplace issues. She is author of "Solutions" and "Beating the Workplace Bully" and owner of the management/HR consulting/training firm The Growth Company Inc. Send your questions to her at lynne@thegrowthcompany.com. Follow her on Twitter @lynnecurry10, at www.workplacecoachblog.com or at her new site www.bullywhisperer.com.