Each year there comes a time when the outdoors to indoors ratio flips, and it becomes harder to stay inside watching mediocre TV shows about Alaska. The struggle is real. So this week I've got another quick reality TV news round up.
Science channel, which is yet another channel in the all-encompassing Discovery Cable Network empire, has a new show called "Alaska Mega Machines" (said in a very EXTREME voice). It looks similar to National Geographic Channel's "Big Fix Alaska," which was about mechanics who travel around the state fixing broken equipment. But "Alaska Mega Machines" will likely have less than half the profanities and cigarettes. It premiers on April 27 at 10 p.m. on the Science Channel.
[Read more: Grease monkeys gone wild in 'Big Fix Alaska']
"Port Protection" is back for season two on National Geographic Channel Mondays at 9 p.m. I caught a recent episode, and are you ready for this? It was about residents of the tiny Southeastern town trying to fill their freezers before winter.
There were a couple dudes halibut fishing, two ladies and a gentleman deer hunting and some timber harvesting. Even the recorded voiceovers sounded bored as they described the urgency of prepping for the impending winter. There is some beautiful scenery, but, like "Alaska Mega Machines," it seems like it's mostly a show for dudes dreaming about Alaska.
Also back on Nat Geo is "Life Below Zero," a generally good show about people living in the Bush. It follows several individuals and couples living off the land in the Arctic. The star is super Sue Aikens, who befriends foxes and has multiple great quotes about pork chops. Example: "The minute you let your guard down, just put a little ketchup on yourself and call yourself a pork chop."
"Deadliest Catch," "Bering Sea Gold," "Alaska's Wild Gourmet" and "The Last Alaskans" are all airing new episodes as well. Also some combination of "Flying Wild Alaska," "Building Alaska" and "Buying Alaska"/"Living Alaska" always seem to be on TV.
I feel overwhelmed by the options. It's like when you go to a big city and there are so many good Mexican restaurants that you become paralyzed by choices and end up eating at Chili's. Which is why I end up watching "Bizarre Foods" episodes until I fall asleep while trying to choose between "Life Below Zero" and "Deadliest Catch."
Emily Fehrenbacher lives in Anchorage, where she reviews Alaska reality TV. You can reach her at realitycheck@alaskadispatch.com or on Twitter @ETFBacher.