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Freak Alaska windstorm leaves Buzz Osborne of The Melvins with soiled underwear

Alaska Dispatch
Peter Alfred Hess

World-famous "sludge-metal" band The Melvins played Sept. 5 at the Bear Tooth Theatre in Anchorage arriving in the teeth of a massive windstorm that cut power to thousands and caused damage across Southcentral Alaska.

On Sept. 10, the band's frontman, Buzz Osborne, gave a play-by-play of the group's trip via Spin Magazine's "tour diary" blog. Here's a little of what Osborne had to say about being a guest in the Last Frontier. He begins:

We landed at Anchorage after 3 1/2 hours into a 75 mph windstorm. Really rough landing. I hate flying anyway and this did not help in that department one bit. Shitting your pants is no way to start any tour....

You'd think it would take more than a little headwind to scare the feces out of a sludge-metal front man, but hey, we all have our boogieman. Osborne continues:

After I changed my pants in a semi clean airport bathroom we made our way to the hotel. They picked us up in a bus-sized party wagon complete with a bar, flashing lights and a stripper pole. The only thing missing was the booze and the strippers.... We are probably the only band in the world to get picked up in a stripper booze wagon with no strippers and no booze.

Note to future touring bands: this was an unusual choice by bookers, but you know what they say ... "In Alaska, the odds are good, but the goods are odd!"(*)

Once at the hotel, "the boys" settle in before making a trip to the liquor store for Pabst Blue Ribbon (no comment). From there the epic hotel party is on! Osborne writes:

The winds continued to howl all night with the power flickering off and on every few minutes. I sat in the room and fell asleep watching The Shining which seemed like the right movie under the circumstances...

The next day, The Melvins awoke well rested and ready to play a gig only to discover the power had gone out, and with it the promise of a warm shower. So Osborne went downstairs to harass the concierge, who said she "could work all of that out, no problem" and handed Osborne a flashlight and a key to a room with a working shower. Classic.

To read more of Osborne's Anchorage tour diary, click here.

(*Usually that idiom pertains to hunting and trapping a boyfriend up north, but it more or less applies to everything else here; take it or leave it.)