Anchorage Daily News

Sexual harassment ... so common, everyone thinks they know what these words mean.

He said he didn't harass her. She said he did.

You've probably met two individuals who can't tell you whether harassment occurred or didn't -- the thin-skinned and the clueless.

According to those thin-skinned, even sideways looks register 6.4 on a sensitivity Richter scale.

According to the clueless, no one should be offended unless they "meant it" or managed the difficult feat of offending themselves.

Ultimately, 12 jurors render a verdict. Thus 12 jurors told thin-skinned Delores to lighten up when she sued after her co-worker watched a Seinfeld episode and the next morning repeated a one-time dictionary joke about her name rhyming with a part of the female anatomy.

Jurors similarly surprised the construction crew members who thought it funny when they wrote their female co-workers' names in the snow when relieving themselves.

"Just a guy thing," said the construction crew's management. "Gross sexually laden harassment," declared the jurors.

So what's the big deal?

If you harass and a jury finds you guilty, you pay an average of $50,000 in damages to your victim. Your company might pay hundreds of thousands to millions of dollars because they didn't stop you in time. Additionally, you and your company might spend thousands of hours with and dollars on attorneys. The final big deal -- your damaged career.

Following are some false assumptions about sexual harassment:

Where there's smoke, there's fire.

Not true. About half of sexual harassment investigations result in a finding of "no harassment."

I never asked her for sex, and so it wasn't sexual harassment.

Who said sexual harassment was about sex? Often, it's about power and one individual's desire to dominate a co-worker or subordinate. Sexual harassment includes repeated insults, innuendos and touches that have little to do with romance.

She never said "stop," and so I didn't know.

While victims have some responsibility for saying "stop," they don't have sole responsibility.

Juries recognize that victims might be too intimidated to speak out and hold employers and supervisors responsible for noticing harassment and never themselves harassing.

He's a good guy; he couldn't have done what she said.

Good people do bad and stupid things, including harassment. A manager might achieve high sales or outstanding productivity and yet suffer from a fatal flaw that leads him or her to misbehave.

There's nothing in my personnel file; I have a clean record.

Personnel files rarely contain investigative reports. Although personnel files normally include disciplinary actions, managers and employees with access to effective union representation and/or guidance can get disciplinary actions removed.

Disciplinary notices removed after one or two years generally signify an employer agrees an individual has "paid the price" and not that the problem didn't occur.

Sexual harassment must be proved beyond a shadow of doubt.

Unlike criminal court, in which guilt must be proved beyond a reasonable doubt; or the "court of public opinion," in which innocence must be proven or guilt might be assumed; sexual harassment cases rest on what someone other than you would conclude when looking at what occurred.

What if falsely accused?

The best defense isn't a good offense, nor is a blanket denial. Good investigators ferret out the truth. If you try to bluff your way through or make yourself appear better behaved than you are, you weaken your credibility and shoot yourself in the foot.

If a co-worker accuses you of harassment, stop and think, "how come I got accused?" If you decide your co-worker maliciously accused you because of a personality or other conflict, tell the investigator so the real story can surface.

If, however, you got called on the carpet for telling off-color jokes or similar behaviors, immediately clean up your behavior.

While this sounds like common sense, a surprising number of those accused of inappropriate behavior get their backs up when accused and defend themselves by escalating problem behavior.

For example, those accused of telling inappropriate jokes often tell everyone they can find off-color jokes to make the point that others appreciate these jokes, thus nailing their own coffin shut.

Once accused, never confront your accuser alone, even if you see them off-site, particularly if you think they're out to get you. Those who confront accusers in parking lots risk their alleged victims running to their cars and falling into the car doors, then driving to a medical clinic and getting the wound photographed to substantiate a stalking allegation.

Confront a frightened co-worker in a grocery store, and the victim might scream, creating witness reports that turn a civil sexual harassment claim into a criminal suit.

If someone files a complaint against you, back off. If you want to air the whole situation, tell your attorney.

Lynne Curry is a local management trainer, consultant and syndicated columnist. Her advice and opinion column appears Mondays. Questions for her column may be faxed to her at 258-2157 or mailed to her c/o Anchorage Daily News, P.O. Box 149001, Anchorage 99514-9001. Her e-mail is lynne@thegrowthcompany.net.

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