Anchorage Daily News

HAD TO HAPPEN ... Let's hope what happens in Vegas really stays there. The Associated Press reported Thursday that a Sin City strip joint, called Club Paradise Men's Club, plans to host a Sarah look-alike contest and is bringing in women from "gentlemen's clubs" all over the country to compete. They'll have to wear "swimsuits," which Ear would bet means bikinis. The audience will judge how closely they resemble Palin and how much like her they debate.

The prize is a $10,000 package including a trip to Washington for Inauguration Day in January. The club says the contest is in honor of Sarah's history as a beauty queen. You'll recall she was Miss Wasilla, then came in second in the 1984 Miss Alaska pageant.

AND THERE'S MORE ... Your Favorite Good Morning Newspaper publishes a moose calendar every year, so why not a Sarah calendar? Judy Patrick, a photographer from Wasilla, says hers will be available at Amazon.com later this week. The photos are pictures she's shot of Sarah and family over the years, including some from the campaign, she says.

A QUESTION ... After reading the Chuck Kopp interview with The New York Times re his walk-on role in Troopergate, a Juneau earwag groused: "Hey, what happened to the "hush" part of hush money?"

Ear feels obligated to defend Chuck. Considering the world of hurt they thrust him into, the payoff was strictly chump change.

DEFENSIVE IN D.C. ... You knew it was inevitable. Incredible Hulk Ted tried to hold his temper in check during cross-examination Friday, but he ended up snarling at the prosecutor cross-examining him. At one point he told her: "I think you better rephrase your question; your question is tautological."

Yes d'Ears, the Divine Appendage had to look it up too.

Washington Post columnist Dana Milbank summed up Ted's time on the witness stand like this: "Ted Stevens once told his Senate colleagues that he's 'a mean, miserable SOB.' Friday, he set out to prove it."

Using long verbatims, Milbank really skewered Catherine Stevens' unhappy testimony, calling her "the fall girl."

"Did Barbara Flanders" -- one of the senator's aides -- "walk your dogs?" prosecutor Brenda Morris demanded of Catherine Stevens. "Did Barbara Flanders feed your cats? Did Barbara Flanders pay your Saks Fifth Avenue bills? Didn't staff for your husband cut your grass? Did they pay for your parking tickets? Did Barbara Flanders pay bills to Blockbuster video for overdue amounts? Did she wrap Christmas gifts for your family? Did you send notes to Barbara Flanders to tell her you needed cash? So, in essence, she was your human ATM machine?"

Mrs. Stevens ran her hands through her hair and struggled for answers ("I don't know what you're talking about") but came up mostly empty. And just when it seemed things couldn't get any worse for the Stevens family, Sen. Larry Craig walked into the courtroom after lunch and planted his wide stance in the audience to lend his support to his friend and colleague."

TRIAL BULLETIN ... Talk about damning with faint praise. The politico.com blog reported Friday that Senator Stevens "isn't corrupt about his body image."

Ted has been seen in the courtroom wearing MBT shoes, they reported, expensive trendy trainers that "help burn more calories and allegedly reduce cellulite. An added benefit is that they make him a bit taller, too. The man is kinda short."

BOFFO BOX OFFICE ... All this explains why Ted's trial has become the show visiting Alaskans -- or former Alaskans -- just have to see while in D.C. Among those spotted recently cruising through or settling down for a while: Tony Motley, Terry Gardiner, Cliff Groh Jr., Bill Bittner, Mano Frey, Jim Sampson, Julie Kitka (OK, those last three were witnesses), Diane Kaplan, Martha Stewart (the other one), Jack Ferguson and Mitch Rose.

LSAT QUESTION? ... Sen. Kim Elton, D-Juneau, reports getting a query from a lawyer friend re Attorney General Talis Colberg's novel interpretation of the word "subpoena":

"I want to know if I should change the language in our subpoena template from 'you are commanded to appear' to 'it would be really nice if you could drop by at your convenience.' "

ON THE BALLOT ... Taken from the state voter guide for Region II, from the statement submitted by Daniel DeNardo, an AIP candidate in District 31:

"I study the creation and impact of the Luciferian Marxist-Leninist Dialectical Sovietism that is the most encompassing secular historical force controlling every incorporated political party" ... "Law Merchant advisory panels masquerading as 'juries'; bar associations composed strictly of card carrying Kommunist Komrade Kriminals acting in Alaska under the Alaska Supreme Soviet in conjunction with Soviet counterparts ..."

WE LOVE SARAH ... Headline Friday on editorandpublisher.com, a newspaper industry site: "NEW YORK -- The Web site of the Anchorage Daily News zoomed up to make it in the list of top 30 online newspapers. The Web site enjoyed a 928% spike to 2.1 million monthly uniques in September, no doubt due to the paper's excellent coverage of Republican Vice Presidential nominee Sarah Palin."

ADN was No. 20. If you're interested, check the Web site for the full list.

AND YOUR POINT? ... PR people for Fred Meyer say political T-shirts are "flying off the shelves in record numbers this year." They have a chart comparing Alaska sales of Palin, McCain and Obama shirts here vs. the total sold in the store's four-state market: Alaska, Washington, Oregon and Idaho. Guess what? Republican shirts outsell Democratic shirts in Alaska, but not in the region. Palin is the best seller here, Obama in the region.

FLYING FACTOID ... From a Mad-Zoo earwig:

"A recent study found that the average American male walks about 900 miles a year. Another study found that Americans drink on average 22 gallons of alcohol a year. This means that, on average, Americans get about 41 miles to the gallon."

Compiled by Sheila Toomey. E-mail ear@adn.com. Find Ear online at adn.com/ear.

ADVERTISEMENT