Anchorage Daily News

CHANGING OF THE GUARD ... Staff for our new Boy Senator -- Ear doesn't believe for a minute he's 46 -- report he missed two calls late last week. Luckily the callers left messages:

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Franken

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Halford

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Vic Kohring. Not pardoned.

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Al Franken called to say congratulations. After noting Begich had won by more than 3,000 votes, Al wondered if Mark could please send a few hundred of the extra his way.

Barack Obama called to say congratulations and "looking forward to working with you."

SHOOTING THE WOUNDED ... So there's Rep. Les Gara on TV Wednesday, calling for us to change the name of the airport. Was he smirking? Looked to Ear like he was smirking. And he's not the only one. Get over it darlings. Enough is enough. Ted is convicted. He's defeated. He's 85 years old. How about we leave him alone for a while.

Or better yet, how about everyone who wants to strip Ted's name off things take up a collection and return all the federal money he got for us to build them in the first place. When Ear last checked, we were second in the nation among states that get more from the feds than they pay in taxes.

AU REVOIR ... As long as we're being snarky, here's a quote from a press release sub-titled "Stevens advantage over Begich will hold," put out two days after the election by Republican spokesman McHugh Pierre:

"The Begich campaign claims to have an advantage in Western Alaska, here's why that assumption is false and why they should retake 3rd grade mathematics."

Ooops.

Hey Monsieur Pierre, Amazon.com has used copies of "Roadmap to 3rd Grade Math" for $7.10. And it's eligible for free Super Saver Shipping if you spend $25.

Maybe Senator Begich will autograph it for you.

OH YEAH ... In what was probably Ted Stevens' last vote as a senator, he voted to extend benefits for the jobless.

MORE BAD NEWS ... Looks like "AK," one of Ear's favorite radio shows, will soon be taking a dirt nap. A memo that appears to be from KSKA/KAKM/APRN boss Steve Lindbeck says they'll be announcing the cancellation of the show in a couple of weeks. "Determined and very devoted efforts simply have not produced sufficient continuing funding to carry on," the memo says. The show is funded through December and in January will air reruns of the 50th Anniversary of Statehood specials they've run recently.

WISH EAR SAID THAT ... Seen in Midtown, a van advertising a 50th Statehood Anniversary T-Shirt:

"ALASKA: Pissing off Texas since 1959."

ON THE MOVE ... Gov. Palin last week appointed former state Sen. Rick Halford of Chugiak to the State Officers Compensation Commission, a five-member panel created in May to review the pay of top state officials, including legislators, commissioners, the governor and the lieutenant governor. The commission can recommend changes that take effect within a year unless the Legislature rejects them. Regarded by some as a Republican eminence grise, Halford served two terms in the House and five in the Senate, including two terms as Senate president.

LOCK AND LOAD ... For a while, it seemed promoters of that Todd and Sarah Look-Alike Contest at Blues Central blinked when it came to handing out rewards. When winners Troy Zaumseil and Whitney LaRose showed up to collect the grand prize, publicized far and wide as an outfitted moose hunt for each, they discovered what they'd scored was a black bear hunt, which is a very different animal.

Zaumseil really wanted a freezer full of moose. He even dyed his hair the appropriate Todd tone for the contest. LaRose was all about the moose hunt, too. She's wilderness savvy but couldn't see herself flying out to a bear camp alone. Contest organizer Bob Lester is certain the over-the-phone agreement was for a moose hunt. Bob Jewett of Top Gun Treks is equally certain his donation, valued at about $3,000 per winner, was for a black-bear hunt. Moose, bear, moose, bear. Just shoot something already.

Not to worry. They've sorted it out. An outfitted moose hunt it will be.

A QUESTION ... In a former life, was Trill Gates, the anchor on KTBY/Fox's new 9 p.m. news show, a local kiddy show host called Kitty Fox?

UPCOMING ... This arrived from publicist Robbie Graham: "The 50,000 Watt Blowtorch (650 am KENI) is about to heat up on Monday when Mike Porcaro hosts Dick Cavett on his radio show at 5 p.m."

It could be fun d'Ears. If you're old enough to remember Cavett's mid-century talk show you know he's a sly East Coast intellectual who don't take no guff from interview subjects who don't answer his questions. Last week, his column attacking Sarah's syntax, called "The Wild Wordsmith of Wasilla," was the most e-mailed piece from the N.Y. Times. (Among other snipes, he said she was a person with "no first language.")

WORST PHOTO OP EVER ... Darlings, the Omniscient Orifice can't think of a single thing to add to the video of Sarah pardoning a Wasilla turkey -- no, not Vic Kohring -- while a blood-soaked executioner does his job in the background. Isn't this silly pardoning joke usually reserved for the president? One disgruntled observer groused that the governor seemed to think the Republicans won the election and McCain died.

Anyhow, Sarah did fine, but her handlers sure dropped the ball.

If you haven't seen it, check it out on the ADN politics blog at adn.com/alaskapolitics.

DON'T GO THERE, DUDE ... A new kind of travel book landed on Ear's desk recently, by Peter Greenberg, author of the Travel Detective books and travel editor for The Today Show. It's a guide to "must miss" places. Alaska is, of course, on several lists. It's one of the "most depressed and depressing destinations" (third in suicides). And Anchorage is the second most "dangerously drunk" city in the country, Greenberg claims, right behind Denver.

Other flying factoids: 21 airlines from the Kyrgyz Republic aren't allowed to land in Europe. Naples, Italy, is the "stinkiest" place on Earth. It's full of festering piles of uncollected garbage.

The book is called "Don't Go There."

Compiled by Sheila Toomey. E-mail ear@adn.com. Find Ear online at adn.com/ear.

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