When it comes to Bong Hits 4 Jesus, here's some Advice 4 Dummies:
If the phrase poses such a threat to the health and future of any teenager exposed to it, then stop making a federal case out of it.
If the Juneau School Board, in its infinite stubbornness, is so worried that the message waved on a banner four years ago at a nonschool event will lead high school kids down the path to illegal drug use, why does it insist on giving the message such tremendous exposure?
Google "Bong Hits 4 Jesus" and you'll get 14,100 hits. Included among them is proof positive that the message has become part of the vernacular: It has its own Wikipedia entry.
And all Joe Frederick wanted was to catch the eye of a TV cameraman.
Frederick is the man who, back when he was a senior at Juneau-Douglas High School, made a 10-foot banner to wave as the Olympic torch relay passed through Juneau. A true Alaska artist, he used butcher paper as his canvas and duct tape as his paint to craft the sign that now waves in perpetuity: Bong Hits 4 Jesus.
The school principal, Deborah Morse, went nuts -- even though Frederick wasn't on school property, wasn't at a school-sponsored event, wasn't under direct supervision of school employees and wasn't representing the school in any way imaginable.
Nor did he cause a disruption at school. School officials admitted as much to the 9th Circuit Court of Appeals. Lawyers for Morse and the school board argue that Morse's confiscation of the banner and suspension of Frederick were justified because the poster was inconsistent with the school's mission to teach a healthy, drug-free lifestyle.
Morse suspended Frederick for 10 days, which in the world of school suspensions ranks just below the death penalty. The last known instance of duct-tape-fueled student insurgency -- physically abusive hazings perpetrated by Service High football players in 1999 -- resulted in suspensions ranging from 12 to 14 days.
Frederick fought back, claiming his First Amendment right to free speech had been violated. The 9th Circuit agreed. And now Kenneth Starr has something besides a stained blue cocktail dress to concern himself with.
Starr, the attorney whose investigation helped impeach President Clinton, will argue Morse's and the school board's side of things should the Supreme Court decide to review the case.
He's working pro bono, although the pursuit of censorship won't come free to the citizens of Juneau, or the citizens of Alaska, for that matter. The Alaska Association of School Boards, which is funded in part by dues paid by member schools, decided last month to give the Juneau School Board $15,000 to continue the fight.
But if the school district loses, it will have to pay Frederick's attorney fees. Doug Mertz, Frederick's lawyer, figures each side has racked up $100,000 worth of expenses so far, with another $35,000 to come if the Supreme Court takes the case. But, he said, the district's insurance policy should cover all but about $25,000 of the various expenses.
Wonder how much drug-prevention education you could buy for $25,000?
Yet the president of the Juneau School Board, Phyllis Carlson, told the Juneau Empire that the case needs to be pursued because the most recent ruling -- which said Frederick's right to free speech had been violated -- lacks clarity. It left the district "with no guidance as to where and when we can enforce our policy against messages promoting illegal drug use," she told the newspaper.
Well, here's some guidance: If a school wants to deny a kid his constitutional rights, make sure it's for something he did at school or at a school activity.
And make sure it's an egregious offense, not a silly caper. What do you think awaits the poor kid who dares listen to lyrics like Bob Dylan's "Everybody Must Get Stoned" during lunch?
From the very beginning of this, Juneau's administrators and school board have overreached. The tentacles stretched so far as to cost Frederick's dad his job as a risk manager for Alaska Public Entity Insurance, the company that insured the school board back in 2002. A jury ruled that Frank Frederick was first demoted and then fired because of his son's lawsuit and, according to Mertz, awarded him $180,000 in damages.
Wonder if anyone's insurance rates went up because of that?
Now the school board is on a face-saving mission bursting with irony. By insisting that Bong Hits 4 Jesus is a message so fraught with peril that the need to censor it trumps free speech, it has cemented the phrase in our vocabulary.
Beth Bragg's opinion column appears Wednesday, Friday and Sunday. Her e-mail address is bbragg@adn.com.
