Anchorage Daily News

THINK TANK . . . Really, darlings, is it news that the Lovely Levi Johnston is going to bare all for Playgirl? Wasn't that an inevitable outcome of the equation: Male+hockey player+handsome+single+ scandal = booty call from sleazy magazine?

What the Divine Appendage finds unexpected is the hilarious pistachio nut TV commercial now airing. The one where Anchorage private investigator Tank Jones is standing next to Levi and a voiceover allows as how Levi "does it with protection."

"It" meaning cracking open pistachio nuts, of course.

Of course.

Tank said he and Levi had no idea what the script was going to say. Tank also had no idea they wanted him in the ad. He went to the shoot as Levi's handler/bodyguard. "My first instinct was to say no but they were kind of convincing," he said.

Tank said Levi's gotten complaints from Palinistas who whine about the double meaning, claiming it's offensive to the Palins. Yikes, given the things they've said about Levi, one could easily imagine him offering a really offensive joke.

Ear tried to compliment Levi's agent/attorney Rex Butler for finding the most innocuous, scandal-free, white-bread product possible to launch the kid's career. These nuts aren't even dyed pink the way pistachios are supposed to be. They're like organic or something. But Rex demurred. The pistachio people called him, he said.

PARTY LIKE IT'S JAN. 3RD . . . Gov. Parnell announced a bunch of commission appointments last week, including appointing former Anchorage School Board candidate Mia Costello to the Alaska Statehood Celebration Commission.

So, what is Ear missing? Isn't the statehood celebration over? Like, really long over? But here's the official description, from the press release:

"The nine-member commission plans and administers all official state activities leading up to and relating to the 50th anniversary of Alaska Statehood, including administering a timetable and budget and archiving statehood-related materials."

ORDER IN THE COURT . . . Attorney to the stars Jeff Feldman won a big one in federal court this past week against the national Avis company -- a $16 million jury verdict. And the star witness for the plaintiffs? Congressional candidate and blogger and former legislator and other things Andrew Halcro. In very broad terms, national Avis messed over Alaska Rent-A-Car, the local car rental company owned by the Halcro family, leading to a breach of contract lawsuit.

Andrew and Jeff must have done a really good job. Ear hears the jury deliberated for only about two hours, and awarded them $213,000 more than Jeff asked for.

SOCIAL DISEASE . . . Word is a teenage child of one of the gubernatorial candidates has been told in no uncertain terms to take down his Facebook page. No suggestion there's anything problematic, but that whole system is fraught with potential trouble for a political campaign.

And here's an example from a different world. It's not completely on point, but you get the idea: Vanessa Mitchell, one of 10 people busted last week in a burglary at the store in Selawik, wasn't going to let a little arrest keep her from social communicating: As posted Oct. 4, her "status" is "Vanessa Mitchell in jail" and "Mood: crappy." Topped off by a frowny face.

A QUESTION . . . Someone is threatening to put out a Sarah Palin line of lipstick. There's no evidence Sarah is interested, and Ear presumes they couldn't use her name without her permission. But it's fun to wonder what the colors might be called. An earwig suggests getting started with "Goin' Rouge," "I'll Getcha, You Betcha," "Kiss Off" and "Quittin' Time."

Pucker up, d'Ears.

AN ANSWER . . . Did you all race to the record books to answer last week's question about who is the current longest-serving legislator?

Sure you did.

Ear would have bet real money it was Richard Foster, D-Nome. Ear would have lost. People who actually look things up say that title is shared by Sen. Johnny Ellis, D-Anchorage, and Sen. Lyman Hoffman, D-Bethel. Both were first elected in 1986. Max Gruenberg, D-Anchorage, was first elected in 1984 but he hasn't held office continuously.

Foster was first elected in 1988.

Compiled by Sheila Toomey. E-mail ear@adn.com. Find Ear online at adn.com/ear.

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