Anchorage Daily News

Father's Day has potential. With a little guidance, it could amount to something someday, and make us all proud. It could be a time when those of us who took on this critical job get down to some serious reflection on how we're doing, and what we can do better in the stressful, joyous, all-important labor of rearing children.

Instead, it is a rote, mechanical celebration of fatherhood, in which children are obliged to express their profound, immortal gratitude to the big lunk who brought them into the world. Heads up, champ. Alarm bells should sound when it takes an arbitrary date on the calendar to prompt a gesture of respect and affection. All we're really doing here is creating more stress for moms, who must hound their kids to cough up a card or trinket for Dad.

I hope my kid is getting me a lunchbox, because I'm going to lose my lunch. My fellow fathers, are we really this needy?

Excuse me, big boy, when you cued up your genetic material and shot it into the corner pocket did you think that you'd done something extraordinary? The vast majority of males over the age of 13 can do that. Even a squirrel can do that. The difference between you and the bushy-tailed, pea-brained rodent is that the rodent's feelings will not be hurt when nobody gets him anything for Father's Day. To quote my own father, "Don't expect special recognition for doing your job."

How are we in Alaska doing with fatherhood? Bad news, junior. Last year we had a child support suit filed against a priest. Don't make me mention "Papa" Pilgrim. Granted, these are not exactly representative cases. But the very fact that we need a child support enforcement agency does perhaps whisper that Ward Cleaver has left the building, and the Beaver is hanging around the bus transfer station with Eddie Haskell.

We can do better than this, ace. We have to. We brought these little souls into this beautiful, cruel and wondrous world. Admit it: Unless you procreated at gunpoint, Romeo, you had more than just a hand in this. So you're responsible for giving the kids the best you can. This means your time, your attention, your love.

The good news is it's not that tough. And here's a secret: The more we do it, the easier and better it gets.

We can get down on the floor with our sons and play dinosaur. We can read James Thurber and the Brothers Grimm to our daughters. Or vice versa. You know your children, and what they need and deserve.

We can model respect for our wives and dignity and honor as a man. We can make time for our offspring now, because we don't get the time back. And when time is up we can let them go knowing we've done all we can to help them become the best that they can.

Do that, and fatherhood will reward you mightily 365 days a year. Why settle for just one?

Daily News editorial cartoonist Peter Dunlap-Shohl has an 18-year-old son. He feels entirely different about Mother's Day.

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