Anchorage Daily News

"I gave you the senior discount," chirped the friendly McDonald's server.

"Oh, thanks," I said. For goodness sakes, I'm 53. Do I look that old to this kid, I thought, Is it all downhill from here?

OK, maybe I can't play baseball like I used to, but how about my chosen field of investment management? In fact, empirical data, sound science, I tell you, says that 53 is the perfect age for financial decision making, having just the right amount of knowledge and experience.

Besides, look at Warren Buffett. He's 78 and acknowledged to be one of the best investors in the world. Trust me, when he meets his maker the company that he runs will see its stock fall precipitously.

Age is an issue in the presidential campaign. According to Barack Obama (48), John McCain (72) is "confused" and "disoriented" on the issues, which sounds a lot like code for "he's old, you know." Obama commercials say McCain is practicing the same old Washington politics. McCain is old, get it?

When McCain makes a mistake the subtext is that it's because he is old and maybe forgetful. When Obama makes a mistake or stutters (he does, you know, especially when he's not speaking with a teleprompter), he just misspoke and "everyone makes mistakes." He gets a pass.

It's OK to make fun of old people and the late night comics are having a field day. Jay Leno practically begins every monologue on "The Tonight Show" with a John McCain joke. "How about that John McCain, doesn't he look a lot like the guy who parked his RV overnight at Wal-Mart?" Or, "Barack Obama's Secret Service name is 'Renegade' while John McCain's is 'Enlarged Prostate.' " Ha, ha.

After the New Yorker ran a satirical cover of Barack Obama and wife Michelle looking very radical, Vanity Fair responded with a cover that portrayed John McCain with a walker and his wife Cindy, clutching a bottle of pills. Those were stereotypes of both candidates, to be sure.

McCain needs to take a page out of Ronald Reagan's playbook. Up against a younger Walter Mondale in the 1984 election, Reagan hit it out of the park in a debate by saying, "I will not make age an issue in this campaign. I'm not going to exploit, for political purposes my opponents youth and inexperience."

Closer to home, Ted Stevens (83) is in the political fight of his life. The senator will face a popular and younger Mark Begich (45). The latter's TV commercials show him hopping about the state and full of energy. He now opines that he "wants to retire old ideas." Hmm, I wonder what he means by that?

Getting old isn't all bad, mind you. You do get a bunch of subsidies and freebies, from the longevity bonus and property tax breaks to 10 percent discounts on all kinds of things. Some cultures actually teach respect for their elders, reasoning that with age comes wisdom and perspective.

The TV advertisers have a different take, using older celebrities to sell their wares. Sally Field has something to make our bones stronger, Florence Henderson has dentures for us and Wilfred Brimley wants to make us regular. The worst are those commercials that end with the older couple sitting naked in side-by-side tubs after doing you- know-what.

The new medicines are so amazing that some people are now more worried about outliving their savings, not dying too soon. Will Social Security that was built assuming the average person died at 66 be there in the future? Today's retirees live well into their 80's and will certainly take out more than they ever put in.

The burden will be placed on young people unless we get some grand bargain to solve the looming deficits at Social Security and Medicare. They are quickly coming into focus with the retirement of the first baby boomers only a few years away. A combination of tax increases and benefit reductions that cut across generations would seem to be in order.

This is getting too serious and I gotta run. I think I'll play a little golf or maybe plan that cruise. Now, where did I put the keys to the car? Man, is this a senior moment or what?

Jeff Pantages is an investment manager who lives in Anchorage.

ADVERTISEMENT